Official Review: Hillbilly Witch by donald e morrow

NRoach · Post by **NRoach** » 24 Jun 2018, 10:10

[Following is an official OnlineBookClub.org review of "Hillbilly Witch" by donald e morrow.]

1 out of 4 stars

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I'm 90% certain that Hillbilly Witch, by Donald E. Morrow, was written in a single session. Or maybe it would be more accurate to say that I wouldn't be at all surprised if it was. From the outset, spelling and grammar issues are commonplace and they are generally obvious and easily correctable: missing apostrophes, errant speech marks, and full stops dotted about in places that make me think Morrow was writing on his smartphone and kept accidentally hitting space twice.

The book follows the story of one Eli Holt, young mailman of a mountain town, who discovers via a witch that his grandfather was a legendary bank robber. He retrieves grandpappy's stash of dosh and... try to imagine where the plot might go from there. I guarantee whatever you think up will make more sense.

Eli's grandfather took to robbing banks around the time of the Great Depression (circa 1929) and Eli says, repeatedly, that he's been dead now for "something like eighty years". At other points in the book, the date is placed at vaguely a hundred years. That gives us a rough window of time for the book to be taking place of 2009 to 2029. With that in mind, I was flabbergasted by the fact that Eli has no idea what a condom is. That's the most striking example of the time-line simply not making sense, but other things are sprinkled around that don't quite add up. I doubt that you could get away with simply dumping bodies in the local river these days, for example.

The closest thing to a central plot, that Eli can hear the voices of dead people and uses that to bring their killers to justice, rears its head only halfway through the book. Even then, it does so half-heartedly. Before then, Eli ping-pongs between butting heads with a local crime boss (for about two scenes), stalking a young prostitute at a local casino (and then scoring free drinks for life there by admitting to using telepathy to cheat at blackjack and threatening the owner's life), and jumping in and out of jail. Oh, and he's carrying his grandfather's skull around with him the whole time. People tend to see this, along with his hearing the voices of the dead, as intriguing quirks that only make him all the more likable.

You're probably thinking that this has to be a humorous book, and whilst I don't doubt for an instant it was meant that way, none of it shines through. The closest thing to a laugh I got from this book was an exasperated sigh at Eli wondering if the killer of over a dozen children was "maybe a queer". I'm not even going to try to explain that one.

In HillBilly Witch there is no plot, the writing is inept even when not marred by spelling and grammar errors, internal consistency is borderline nonexistant, and the dialogue sounds as though Tommy Wiseau wrote it.
I give Hillbilly Witch 1 out of 4 stars and wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

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Hillbilly Witch
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strawberrysab · Post by **strawberrysab** » 26 Jun 2018, 23:07

Holy Jesus. This book is a complete mess from beginning to end. Thanks for your review!

pinchess07 · Post by **pinchess07** » 27 Jun 2018, 00:08

That review was enlightening. Thanks for the warning. Though the premise of talking to ghosts is mildly interesting, the rest of it is really off-putting.

Marissa Michael · Post by **Marissa Michael** » 27 Jun 2018, 00:22

Thank you for persevering to read this book and came up with a review.

Manang Muyang · Post by **Manang Muyang** » 27 Jun 2018, 06:35

It is so bad I want to read it. LOL! No plot, Tommy Wiseau dialogue, and murderous grammar! What more can't you ask for?

Samantha Simoneau · Post by **Samantha Simoneau** » 27 Jun 2018, 07:56

Yikes! It was both highly entertaining (because of the review) and highly painful (because of the book reviewed) to read this. I'm sorry you had to endure that in order to review it. Thanks for the honest review!

daniya__shah3 · Post by **daniya__shah3** » 27 Jun 2018, 11:26

Good lord, I'm glad I came across this review. Didn't know writing a book can go wrong to this extent.

MsTri · Post by **MsTri** » 27 Jun 2018, 11:48

I SO totally started to select this book once or twice, and now I'm glad I dodged that bullet, though I am sorry for your pain. Man, the one thing I've learned here at OBC is that not everyone who knows how to hold a pen/pencil or type on a keyboard should "write"...and I use that term loosely, *smh*.

Dahmy 10 · Post by **Dahmy 10** » 27 Jun 2018, 14:23

O my God, like I can feel the wrath in your every words. I must say a very big thank you for pre-warning us, it's good knowing the books that are not worthy of our attention...

Post by **Kibet Hillary** » 27 Jun 2018, 16:21

This will prove very hard for one to read. If the plot is not well developed and there are multiple errors in the book, then the author has a lot of work to do. I suggest that the book be revised.