Review of They Love You Until You Start Thinking for Yourself
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Deanna Turner
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- Latest Review: They Love You Until You Start Thinking for Yourself by Monica Omorodion Swaida
Review of They Love You Until You Start Thinking for Yourself
[Following is a volunteer review of "They Love You Until You Start Thinking for Yourself" by Monica Omorodion Swaida.]
Based on the title, I expected this book to be about learning to think for yourself. Instead, it’s more of a meandering biography, jumping around in a stream-of-consciousness style that makes it hard to follow events in any clear order.
The author often comes across as passive-aggressive and self-important. For example, she describes someone as "beautiful in her own way," which feels unnecessarily snarky. She also has a habit of slipping into self-congratulation, bringing up her own accomplishments even when discussing other people. One standout moment is when she recalls going to school with her brother on his first day, interrupting the teacher to answer questions for him. The teacher suggested she start school early, which she took as proof of her maturity. But honestly, it just sounds like a kid trying to steal the spotlight by disrupting an adult.
Then there’s the story of how, as a teenager, she left home without telling anyone and flew to Poland—a country where she knew no one, didn’t speak the language, and had almost no money. Unsurprisingly, she ended up homeless and digging through trash for food. Normally, you’d expect some reflection on the recklessness of this decision, but instead, she doubles down, calling herself "gritty" and "adultlike." When her family expressed completely reasonable concern for her safety, she dismissed them as dramatic while patting herself on the back for "spitting facts."
She bounces between countries in a similar fashion, surviving mostly on luck and government assistance, all while refusing to return home. Eventually, she reconnects with her brother in Italy, who supports her and helps her start a food business that pulls in thousands of dollars a day. Later, he becomes a wealthy real estate investor in America and offers her a high-paying job, but she turns it down because it involves dealing with construction, which she calls "dirty." Even when she eventually takes his help in learning real estate, she somehow manages to look down on people receiving government aid for housing subsidies—despite it positively benefitting her both personally and professionally.
She also paints herself as coming from a low-income background, but her father was a forensic investigator with government-provided housing, and her mother owned a retail shop that she was able to rebuild multiple times using saved profits. Her family even paid for her singing lessons and didn't blink at the idea that she could afford to go to Europe under the guise of studying. While her family may not have been wealthy, they were far from struggling, which makes it hard to see her as an underdog when she was actually given a lot of opportunities and support.
Throughout the book, she casually drops genuinely horrific experiences with little warning. As a child, she regularly walked past a mortuary that burned bodies on its front lawn and once left a corpse outside to rot. She describes watching its decomposition in unsettling detail. Other disturbing moments include a risky boat ride her family took, living near a river when none of the kids knew how to swim, and her mother’s shop being arbitrarily demolished by the government. She also talks about being physically disciplined by her parents, which she portrays as a necessary and positive thing.
Her take on racism is just as naive. Despite facing discrimination herself—including threats of violence—she insists racism doesn’t really exist. At one point, she’s invited to a support group for minorities struggling in the workplace and is offended by the assumption that she might need support. Rather than acknowledging different perspectives, she assumes everyone else is just wrong and sets out to "educate" them. It’s frustratingly self-centered to believe that just because something hasn’t personally held you back, it must not be real. While her confidence can be inspiring, it often seems more a product of denial or ignorance than true optimism.
As the book goes on, she leans further into her disdain for people who rely on government help. Given how much assistance she received—from strangers, government programs, and her successful brother—it’s baffling to see her criticize others in similar or worse situations. Her mindset seems to be that because she struggled, everyone else should too, as if suffering is some kind of rite of passage. It’s the same immature logic as high school seniors hazing freshmen because "I went through it."
Her grand solution to racism? Pretend it doesn’t exist. She insists everyone has equal opportunities, despite multiple examples from her own life proving otherwise. It’s hard to tell if this is willful ignorance or just a desperate attempt to believe race never played a role in her experiences—even when it clearly did.
Overall, this book is a frustrating read. The author lacks self-awareness, contradicts herself, and delivers her story in a disorganized, rambling way. She’s clearly overcome challenges, but her inability to acknowledge her own privilege and hypocrisy makes it difficult to take her perspective seriously. The editing however was flawless. While the topic jumped around, I never noticed any instances of grammatical or spelling errors. Her life was ultimately very eventful and while I did not enjoy reading this book, those looking to read noncritically about a religious conservative woman sharing their values and finding success might enjoy it. Travel enthusiasts might also be interested in some of her experiences in Europe and Africa. While there was some interesting anecdotes, overall I would rate this book 1 of 5 stars.
******
They Love You Until You Start Thinking for Yourself
View: on Bookshelves | on Amazon
Based on the title, I expected this book to be about learning to think for yourself. Instead, it’s more of a meandering biography, jumping around in a stream-of-consciousness style that makes it hard to follow events in any clear order.
The author often comes across as passive-aggressive and self-important. For example, she describes someone as "beautiful in her own way," which feels unnecessarily snarky. She also has a habit of slipping into self-congratulation, bringing up her own accomplishments even when discussing other people. One standout moment is when she recalls going to school with her brother on his first day, interrupting the teacher to answer questions for him. The teacher suggested she start school early, which she took as proof of her maturity. But honestly, it just sounds like a kid trying to steal the spotlight by disrupting an adult.
Then there’s the story of how, as a teenager, she left home without telling anyone and flew to Poland—a country where she knew no one, didn’t speak the language, and had almost no money. Unsurprisingly, she ended up homeless and digging through trash for food. Normally, you’d expect some reflection on the recklessness of this decision, but instead, she doubles down, calling herself "gritty" and "adultlike." When her family expressed completely reasonable concern for her safety, she dismissed them as dramatic while patting herself on the back for "spitting facts."
She bounces between countries in a similar fashion, surviving mostly on luck and government assistance, all while refusing to return home. Eventually, she reconnects with her brother in Italy, who supports her and helps her start a food business that pulls in thousands of dollars a day. Later, he becomes a wealthy real estate investor in America and offers her a high-paying job, but she turns it down because it involves dealing with construction, which she calls "dirty." Even when she eventually takes his help in learning real estate, she somehow manages to look down on people receiving government aid for housing subsidies—despite it positively benefitting her both personally and professionally.
She also paints herself as coming from a low-income background, but her father was a forensic investigator with government-provided housing, and her mother owned a retail shop that she was able to rebuild multiple times using saved profits. Her family even paid for her singing lessons and didn't blink at the idea that she could afford to go to Europe under the guise of studying. While her family may not have been wealthy, they were far from struggling, which makes it hard to see her as an underdog when she was actually given a lot of opportunities and support.
Throughout the book, she casually drops genuinely horrific experiences with little warning. As a child, she regularly walked past a mortuary that burned bodies on its front lawn and once left a corpse outside to rot. She describes watching its decomposition in unsettling detail. Other disturbing moments include a risky boat ride her family took, living near a river when none of the kids knew how to swim, and her mother’s shop being arbitrarily demolished by the government. She also talks about being physically disciplined by her parents, which she portrays as a necessary and positive thing.
Her take on racism is just as naive. Despite facing discrimination herself—including threats of violence—she insists racism doesn’t really exist. At one point, she’s invited to a support group for minorities struggling in the workplace and is offended by the assumption that she might need support. Rather than acknowledging different perspectives, she assumes everyone else is just wrong and sets out to "educate" them. It’s frustratingly self-centered to believe that just because something hasn’t personally held you back, it must not be real. While her confidence can be inspiring, it often seems more a product of denial or ignorance than true optimism.
As the book goes on, she leans further into her disdain for people who rely on government help. Given how much assistance she received—from strangers, government programs, and her successful brother—it’s baffling to see her criticize others in similar or worse situations. Her mindset seems to be that because she struggled, everyone else should too, as if suffering is some kind of rite of passage. It’s the same immature logic as high school seniors hazing freshmen because "I went through it."
Her grand solution to racism? Pretend it doesn’t exist. She insists everyone has equal opportunities, despite multiple examples from her own life proving otherwise. It’s hard to tell if this is willful ignorance or just a desperate attempt to believe race never played a role in her experiences—even when it clearly did.
Overall, this book is a frustrating read. The author lacks self-awareness, contradicts herself, and delivers her story in a disorganized, rambling way. She’s clearly overcome challenges, but her inability to acknowledge her own privilege and hypocrisy makes it difficult to take her perspective seriously. The editing however was flawless. While the topic jumped around, I never noticed any instances of grammatical or spelling errors. Her life was ultimately very eventful and while I did not enjoy reading this book, those looking to read noncritically about a religious conservative woman sharing their values and finding success might enjoy it. Travel enthusiasts might also be interested in some of her experiences in Europe and Africa. While there was some interesting anecdotes, overall I would rate this book 1 of 5 stars.
******
They Love You Until You Start Thinking for Yourself
View: on Bookshelves | on Amazon
