Review of Satan's Surfboards

[Steinkar]

[Following is an official OnlineBookClub.org review of "Satan's Surfboards" by John C. Liddle.]

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1 out of 5 stars

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John C. Liddle presents Satan’s Surfboards as an interpretation of the machinations Satan goes through to collect souls. The story follows Roger and Shelly moving through life together as a couple living in Australia. Roger is a young building contractor, and Shelly is a seamstress. Shelly begins to have horrific nightmares about Satan riding Roger’s surfboard and wakes up mumbling words in Latin, a language neither she nor Roger knows. A doctor suggests that Shelly may have a phobia about water and that conquering that fear may give her peace of mind. The couple then has a span of good luck, pulling off “the trifecta in the good luck stakes and [winning] on Lotto also,” and they use some of their winnings to go on a surfing holiday in Hawaii. That’s when Satan starts manipulating both their waking moments and their dreams, causing the couple to question their sense of reality. The only thing they know for sure is that there is evil in Roger’s surfboard, and they must keep it out of Satan’s hands. They begin to wonder whether the people they meet are real or minions of evil, and eventually, the struggle over the surfboards brings them face-to-face with Satan.

The best part of this book is the creative premise. Stories about the conflict between good and evil are common, but the idea that Satan works his evil magic through controlling surfboards shows great imagination.

However, the premise can’t hold up through the faults of the book. First is the infuriating lack of editing. There are more than 10 errors in the first few pages; some are grammatical, but most are simple proofreading mistakes in spelling, capitalization, etc. Also, the book is filled with unnecessary plot points that do nothing to drive the plot forward. For example, the couple have an argument about sleeping in a van and showering at the beach that has no relevance to the rest of the story. Paradoxically, the book has important plot points that are glossed over and need more explanation to provide necessary credibility to the characters. For example, Shelly is described as simply showing up on her parents’ doorstep one day, and they unquestioningly adopt her as their own “for no reason at all.” In fact, there are several iterations of the phrase “for no reason at all” throughout the book. Finally, the second-person narrative voice is tedious to me. The “voice” uses many outdated phrases, such as “What in blue blazes?” and “You can bet your sweet bippy.” There is also a distasteful metaphor referring to Roger’s genitalia as “nuts.”

I’m afraid I can only rate this book 1 out of 5 stars. Liddle started with a great premise, but his missteps throughout the book completely overpowered the original idea.

I honestly don’t think anyone should read this book in its current state. I assume the intended audience could be those mystery fans looking for a quick, uncomplicated read.

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Satan's Surfboards
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[Neto Onuoha]

I initially was caught by the title of the book but I saw your rating of the book and realized I shouldn’t even bothered reading it.

[David Alabi]

That’s really disappointing to hear, especially since the premise sounds so wildly original and intriguing. It’s a shame when poor editing and weak character development undermine a creative concept. I’ll probably pass on this one unless it gets a serious revision—it sounds more frustrating than fun.