Official Review: The Lion’s Share

NetMassimo · Post by **NetMassimo** » 01 Mar 2021, 04:31

[Following is an official OnlineBookClub.org review of "The Lion’s Share" by Dr Yusra Said Ammar.]

3 out of 4 stars

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The Lion’s Share by Dr Yusra Said Ammar is a short story about greed, karma, and relationships. A man is in prison, and the only creature keeping him company is a spider, so he tells the spider how he ended in prison losing a lot of money and a beautiful wife.

In just 16 pages, the protagonist, Ken, tells in the first person his story of greed and betrayal. He's a man who thought he had everything he wanted, and for a while that was true, but his tale begins after he hit rock bottom. It's a classic fictional device where the tale begins with the narrator in a dire situation telling how he ended up in that situation. In this short story, his tale is based on some choices that changed his life for good and for bad. It's a tale full of twists that are the tale's key elements, so I had to be quite vague in writing this short story's plot to avoid spoilers.

I appreciated that this story is straightforward, as the author focused on the essential bits of Ken's story. The important events are enough for the readers to understand them. The relationship between Ken, his wife Teresa, and his best friend Rod is at the center of everything.

The short story needs proofreading. Despite being short, I found more than 10 errors of various kinds, particularly punctuation errors. The author, who is from Syria, knows English very well, and her tale flows well, but probably she mixed up punctuation rules of different languages. I know it can be difficult to use the rules of a language that's not your birth language. The many errors are the only thing I didn't like about a short story I found very good in its contents.

The Lion’s Share is a bit dark concerning human nature, as there are characters who are greedy and ready to betray the people they claim they love because of their greed. You can say that this is a moral tale, as the protagonist is forced to face the consequences of his own actions and offers a moral lesson about them, even if it's too late for him.

There's only one case where a word I reported as borderline profanity is used, and there are no sexual references, so I think this short story is suitable for young readers. The protagonist's reflections offer some food for thought that makes his story interesting. It's only because of the many errors that I rate it 3 out of 4 stars. If you're interested in a quick read about greed, karma, and relationships, this one is for you.

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The Lion’s Share
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Pinballmg · Post by **Pinballmg** » 07 Mar 2021, 05:23

Nice review, at least the greedy man is learning the hard way and may be lamenting about his greed. Thank you for your review.

NetMassimo · Post by **NetMassimo** » 07 Mar 2021, 06:23

Pinballmg wrote: ↑07 Mar 2021, 05:23 Nice review, at least the greedy man is learning the hard way and may be lamenting about his greed. Thank you for your review.

It was a hard lesson indeed. Thank you for commenting!

Saint Bruno · Post by **Saint Bruno** » 07 Mar 2021, 07:23

Seems like a short but fascinating read with a lot of morals to learn from it. Thanks for the engaging and detailed review.

Post by **Kirsi Cultrera** » 07 Mar 2021, 07:31

The ingredients of this book sound interesting enough, I assume I would enjoy this story. It sounds like there are good moral lessons included, and that in this case, the bad deeds don’t go unpunished.

I hope the author takes your advice for correcting the mistakes. I can very well relate getting mixed up with the punctuation rules as I operate with four different languages on a daily basis...

Thanks for your thorough review, good job!

NetMassimo · Post by **NetMassimo** » 07 Mar 2021, 08:35

Saint Bruno wrote: ↑07 Mar 2021, 07:23 Seems like a short but fascinating read with a lot of morals to learn from it. Thanks for the engaging and detailed review.

Yes, you can say it's essential. Thank you for your appreciation!

NetMassimo · Post by **NetMassimo** » 07 Mar 2021, 08:37

Kirsi_78 wrote: ↑07 Mar 2021, 07:31 The ingredients of this book sound interesting enough, I assume I would enjoy this story. It sounds like there are good moral lessons included, and that in this case, the bad deeds don’t go unpunished.

I hope the author takes your advice for correcting the mistakes. I can very well relate getting mixed up with the punctuation rules as I operate with four different languages on a daily basis...

Thanks for your thorough review, good job!

Using English and Italian is enough to get me confused, if I added another language with different rules, I don't know how I'd manage. Thank you for your appreciation!

Joy Phill · Post by **Joy Phill** » 07 Mar 2021, 15:11

16 pages is surprisingly short for such a tale. I'll pass on it though. Thanks for a detailed review.

Suzer6440 xyz · Post by **Suzer6440 xyz** » 07 Mar 2021, 19:54

Sounds good!! Thanks for the great review

NetMassimo · Post by **NetMassimo** » 08 Mar 2021, 03:33

Joy Phill wrote: ↑07 Mar 2021, 15:11 16 pages is surprisingly short for such a tale. I'll pass on it though. Thanks for a detailed review.

This story is really essential, focused on the crucial bits. Thank you for your appreciation!

NetMassimo · Post by **NetMassimo** » 08 Mar 2021, 03:34

Suzer6440 xyz wrote: ↑07 Mar 2021, 19:54 Sounds good!! Thanks for the great review

With one more round of proofreading, it can be more than good. Thank you for your appreciation!

smolbird · Post by **smolbird** » 08 Mar 2021, 03:39

I think after a round of editing, I would be glad to read this book. Thank you for your review!

NetMassimo · Post by **NetMassimo** » 08 Mar 2021, 04:29

smolbird wrote: ↑08 Mar 2021, 03:39 I think after a round of editing, I would be glad to read this book. Thank you for your review!

I hope the author does another round of proofreading. Thank you for commenting!

Rayah Raouf · Post by **Rayah Raouf** » 08 Mar 2021, 07:25

This actually sounds like a pretty good read. Sometimes even the shortest stories can have a bigger effect than a long story. Your review has caught my interest. Thank you.

NetMassimo · Post by **NetMassimo** » 08 Mar 2021, 08:53

RayRuff wrote: ↑08 Mar 2021, 07:25 This actually sounds like a pretty good read. Sometimes even the shortest stories can have a bigger effect than a long story. Your review has caught my interest. Thank you.

Short fiction can have an intensity that's impossible in novels, as it's totally focused on the essential parts of a story. Thank you for your appreciation!