- The Indian Khaleesi
- Posts: 1
- Joined: 12 Jun 2018, 07:46
- Currently Reading: half girlfriend
- Bookshelf Size: 2
The place where you live.
The value of your love, stays inside beneath.
You always said but i never did believed.
The mistake was done indeed by me.
The love you expressed, the love you determined, confused me what was actually ruined in your mind.
"yes" was the word you Always wanted to hear, but i always thought you were so damn weird.
The time was gone, the time went on, i rewinded my mind, when your heart belonged to mine.
I hope its not too late,to spell out something great.
The thing you wished, the thing you wanted, was always yours but should never be taken for granted .
- Posts: 288
- Joined: 05 Jun 2018, 16:24
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- Bookshelf Size: 25
- Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-palilogy.html
- Latest Review: Puffy and the Formidable Foe by Marie Lepkowski and Ann Marie Hannon
- Location: Asheville, NC
Sometimes a poem is only as good as it's best line.
Consider what it is you want to convey here.
You are getting lost too in your tenses - past - present - further past.
Focus in on the tone, the emotions.