One More Song

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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Eddymkala
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One More Song

Post by Eddymkala » 01 Jun 2018, 04:03

There is one more song
In the album of life
That we've got to sing together
Away from the suffering
The doubts
Its a song of victory
A song of joy
A melody of triumph

I can't sing it alone
You are part of the symphony
I need your high note
And rare voice
To top it up
We will sing to our audience
Who almost gave up
When we looked up

We will sing and dance
Without an ounce of shame
Because you and I touched
The healing at the hem
For He is still at the Helm.

Eddy Mkala, +254 720750983, Original Poem(12/10/2017)

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thaservices1
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Post by thaservices1 » 02 Jun 2018, 03:44

Beautiful.
"It is not the critic that counts..."
- Roosevelt

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palilogy
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Post by palilogy » 10 Jun 2018, 22:47

Think about using specifics and steering clear of cliche lines.
What makes his voice a rare voice?
Details ?
Specifics?
That would enhance the poem, creating more compelling and a connection.

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KatSims92
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Post by KatSims92 » 28 Jun 2018, 11:02

Lovely. I like the 'there is one more song in the album of life' line. I could feel the longing there.

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