The Departure from my heart; Winter girl

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
Post Reply
User avatar
Ayesha Shoaib
Posts: 2
Joined: 09 Jun 2018, 10:04
Bookshelf Size: 0

Icon The Departure from my heart; Winter girl

Post by Ayesha Shoaib »

Each day it rains, and each day I fall
and kiss the sweet misery; your soft petaled soul,
that hides mysteriously
behind that
smile
in your face.
Summer waits for me in the backyard, with daisies in her hair,
and roses in her cheeks.
and this time
my love,
with strings of new beginnings in my heart--

I abandon to smell all your winter roses,

I set you free,
I forget the past,

I let you go.
User avatar
palilogy
Posts: 477
Joined: 05 Jun 2018, 16:24
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 39
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-palilogy.html
Latest Review: Mistress Suffragette by Diana Forbes

Post by palilogy »

I'm interested in the line "I abandon to smell all your winter roses"
Consider which lines are your strength and writing no line weaker then the one that came before it.
Example I love that line but then the last three lines of the poem fall flat. They are not as strong and don't speak or say something new to the poem. Enhance the poem. Think on your greatest lines.
Post Reply

Return to “Creative Original Works: Poetry”