Enemies attached at the hip

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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Oliviachan
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Joined: 16 Jun 2015, 14:38
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Enemies attached at the hip

Post by Oliviachan »

It talks to me in my sleep
It lingers in my thoughts
I try to shake it but it's weaved through my heart and runs deep in my veins
I beg it to leave to victimize someone else
I bribe it and try to fight it off
But it's stuck to me
It has infected my soul
And overcome every action and inner thought
I'm done struggling
I give in
Let it take me

-- 16 Jun 2015, 20:31 --
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Akosua +
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Joined: 18 May 2018, 09:12
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Post by Akosua + »

I totally understand and relate to this poem. It's simple yet very communicative and understanding for people struggling like the persona
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palilogy
Posts: 477
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Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-palilogy.html
Latest Review: Mistress Suffragette by Diana Forbes

Post by palilogy »

I would consider condensing the poem.
Removing the unnecessary or cliches.
The last line isn't as strong as the rest and aesthetically the shape would be great smaller.
Latest Review: Mistress Suffragette by Diana Forbes
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