People treat you how you treat them?

Discuss the December 2015 book of the month Burn Zones by Jorge P. Newbery.
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Re: People treat you how you treat them?

Post by CzechTigg » 17 Jan 2016, 20:08

Also, being on a rush and stressed can lead to out of character moments for either you or who you meet, and then such a principle may not hold sway.

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Post by kio » 17 Jan 2016, 21:49

Scott wrote: However, I think a lot of these prejudices are really self-fulfilling: If you treat the customer worse because you don't expect a good tip or are annoyed to have to take care of that kind of customer, is it any surprise that then the customer is not as nice as the customers you treat better? I'd say most of my best customers and best tips were from people who would be stereotyped as not being the best customers, and I think that's because they appreciated the good service that they rarely get. People who are used to getting the world handed to them on a silver platter probably won't appreciate it as much. What do you think?

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I agree with you. As a librarian, I find that, oftentimes, a little kindness goes a long way. I have customers who, when they come back, they will go out of their way to seek me out of some of the librarians, because I showed them I cared. This is also frequently the case with teens I encounter at the library. They are often given a bad rap by adults and stereotyped. For this reason, they automatically expect it from others. Me, however, I go out of my way to make sure they don't feel that way about me. For this reason, they'll come to the library just to talk about their day and even bring in their new boyfriends/girlfriends to see what I think. Although there are always exceptions (usually ones having a bad day), this rule/question for this forum seems to apply the majority of the time.
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Post by CzechTigg » 18 Jan 2016, 13:00

^ Yes warm librarians make the whole (somewhat drawn out, and laborious) trip to get physical copies of books more fun and meaningful. I once went and requested help as my - valid - pin did not work. All I got was a condescending voice, and a blunt "I don't know what you were doing there".

But more recently I had a nice little chat over where I lived, being the same place the Librarian once used to be. Even without that co-incidence she would have been nice.

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Post by Sarah G » 18 Jan 2016, 15:37

I have found this to be true also. I'm a sales advisor and I tend to find that those that may be ignored or avoided by other colleagues have done nothing to deserve it and if you talk to them in a polite manner with a smile they have no problem with you.

We are naturally wired to make quick judgements on people by how they look or act. It's just instinct. However, we all need to learn to go against this instinct a bit, it's not always correct.
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Post by TangledinText » 20 Jan 2016, 16:10

Yes. Life will serve you what you serve others, so be nice!

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Post by Gravy » 22 Jan 2016, 06:56

It's pure science that smiling at a stranger will almost always result in them smiling back, and the negative is also true, so science on the side of yes. However, if you take the question as anything besides casual interaction than I say no.
If we are not prepared to defend a tolerant society against the intolerant, then the tolerant will be destroyed, and tolerance with them.

We've all got light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are.

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Post by Scott » 22 Jan 2016, 09:20

I'm so glad to see everyone agreeing with this idea.

Jorge Newbery, who wrote the book in question, is an incredible man. The millions he made all on his own with no handouts is just unimaginable to me. Even when he had his downs, he grinded through those burn zones and still came out ahead in my view.

I wonder how much having such a positive attitude in dealing with others helps oneself achieve success. One other thing I realize I remember from reading Jorge Newbery's book is that he didn't really get caught up in personal drama, gossiping, make enemies, and so on. What do you all think?

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@joanofarc2015 It does seem like a Confucius-ian idea :)

@literaturelover I also worked as a grocery store cashier before (and later at the customer service desk there) so I can relate to your experience. Thank you for your reply :)
gali wrote:I agree. I always treat people with respect and politeness, and it works in most cases.
Thank you for your reply gali. You have been on these forums for years, and have over fifteen-thousand posts. I have known you to always treat everyone with respect and politeness, and I admire you for it. :)
Unsa Malik wrote:I still believe if you treat someone with love respect and care even the most arrogant people do melt . Because no hate lasts long enough to endure the purity of love .
@"Unsa Malik" Well put! It reads like poetry! :tiphat:

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@eunice2868 Thank you for reply and thank you for Zig Ziglar quote. I like it. :)

@Morgan_Malone @stoppoppingtheP @psyche Thank you for you replies. :)
hsimone wrote:I find this is absolutely true. I, like others here, apply this every day - treat others the way you would like to be treated. I personally like to be treated with respect, so I show respect.

I used to work as a cashier in different stores/pharmacies during high school and college, and I found that I rarely had any issues with customers. If there ever was an issue and they wanted to speak with a manager, it was almost never about how I treated them, it was mostly about the product. If there was a customer who found something to complain about me, my manager would always back me up, knowing that these customers' words only go so far. I believe these customers would be those uptight people you were referencing, Scott :wink:
@hsimone I can definitely relate to that from my days serving and bartending. In fact, my first job was also at a grocery store, where eventually I was behind the customer service desk. You make a good point about how, if you behave respectfully and kindly as a rule all the time, then you get that trust because there will be those few unfair disputes or allegations in any job or field.
charysma_lilly wrote:Showing kindness and being polite with others is a sign of respect towards one's person.
Very well put @charysma_lilly

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@CzechTigg Good point on some people not preferring open warmth. Formality can be respectful, of course--good word choice. :)
charysma_lilly wrote:Showing kindness and being polite with others is a sign of respect towards one's person.
@charysma_lilly Very well put! :tiphat:
L_Therese wrote:In my experience, treating someone with the same courtesy that you would like to receive doesn't always garner the desired result, but treating someone poorly will nearly always provoke a response in kind.
I think you have said very well in one sentence what I was trying to say in the first few wordy paragraphs of this post. :lol: Good job and good point:)

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@tracy19 Thank you for your reply :)

@kio You seem like an awesome librarian! :happy-sunny:
Sarah G wrote:I have found this to be true also. I'm a sales advisor and I tend to find that those that may be ignored or avoided by other colleagues have done nothing to deserve it and if you talk to them in a polite manner with a smile they have no problem with you.

We are naturally wired to make quick judgements on people by how they look or act. It's just instinct. However, we all need to learn to go against this instinct a bit, it's not always correct.
@"Sarah G" That's so true, Sarah. I'm sure they appreciate having someone reach out to them in that way if they have been ignored by everyone else.

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@bookfix_blog Thank you for your reply :)

@Graverobber That's a good point about the science of smiling at others. Thank you for reply. :) It reminds me of this image.
boyfriend-wave.jpg
boyfriend-wave.jpg (108.45 KiB) Viewed 357 times
"That virtue we appreciate is as much ours as another's. We see so much only as we possess." - Henry David Thoreau

"Non ignara mali miseris succurrere disco." Virgil, The Aeneid

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Post by gali » 22 Jan 2016, 09:41

Thank you. :)

Btw, I used to worked in a book store for a while, and also didn't have any issues with customers. 8)

I think it is admirable that Jorge Newbery managed not get caught up in personal drama and the like and come up on top. Not many can say that. Well done! :tiphat:

Great quote! :)
In the case of good books, the point is not to see how many of them you can get through, but rather how many can get through to you." (Mortimer J. Adler)

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Post by CzechTigg » 22 Jan 2016, 10:44

Gali, compared to the time you worked in a bookshop, how many different chains are there now in your local area?

Over time. Waterstones has seemingly monopolized things where I live.

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Post by hsimone » 22 Jan 2016, 10:49

You make a good point about how, if you behave respectfully and kindly as a rule all the time, then you get that trust because there will be those few unfair disputes or allegations in any job or field.
Exactly! I've only had one boss that was disrespectful and not understanding, but it seemed to have been a trade of his (wonder why he went through so many employees...). Aside for that person, my bosses have trusted me because I never gave them any reason not to. Good point, Scott!
"Love is patient, love is kind." -1 Corinthians 13:4

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Post by gali » 22 Jan 2016, 13:55

CzechTigg wrote:Gali, compared to the time you worked in a bookshop, how many different chains are there now in your local area?

Over time. Waterstones has seemingly monopolized things where I live.
I don't live in U.S.A, so I can't compare. 8)
In the case of good books, the point is not to see how many of them you can get through, but rather how many can get through to you." (Mortimer J. Adler)

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Post by anonanemone » 22 Jan 2016, 14:03

Great image, Scott! I like that. I know sometimes I get off to a bad start and the day seems to be shaping up to be really rotten, but then all it takes is one person to smile or say something nice to turn it all around. I try to be the one to give it out when I can too. Although, I'm not as friendly as the boyfriend. You never know what will happen when you give someone the benefit of the doubt!
The world lives between those who say it cannot be done and those who say that it can. And in my experience, those who say that it can be done are usually telling the truth. --Lord Vetinari (Discworld, Raising Steam)

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Post by megannicole67 » 22 Jan 2016, 14:32

I try my hardest to show everyone with the same respect and not just because they are a certain way. Something they teach you from the beginning in school, treat others how you want to be treated, one of the five golden rules. Just because you have money doesn't mean you can look down on anyone else but something can change in the matter of minutes. Kindness goes a long way in today's society because now it seems everyone is getting offended and making everything personal anymore.

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Post by literarycat » 22 Jan 2016, 16:56

I pretty much always treat others with respect and kindness regardless of how they treat me. Sometimes it is reciprocated, other times it seems it gets taken advantage of. This is especially true with a co-worker. No matter how I treat her she still aims to bring me down and treats me badly.
The world breaks everyone, and afterwards, some are strong at the broken points ~ Ernest Hemingway.

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Post by Gravy » 23 Jan 2016, 00:09

That's awesome :mrgreen2:
I really like that.
If we are not prepared to defend a tolerant society against the intolerant, then the tolerant will be destroyed, and tolerance with them.

We've all got light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are.

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