Is this any good?
-
- Posts: 72
- Joined: 12 Jul 2012, 12:17
- Bookshelf Size: 0
Re: Is this any good?
- bknight47
- Posts: 50
- Joined: 16 Jul 2012, 14:32
- Favorite Book: Red Dragon Thomas Harris
- Currently Reading: It Worked For Me Colin Powell
- Bookshelf Size: 0
-
- Posts: 39
- Joined: 09 Jul 2012, 09:52
- Bookshelf Size: 0
-
- Posts: 100
- Joined: 07 Jul 2011, 06:15
- Bookshelf Size: 0
-
- Posts: 16
- Joined: 16 Aug 2012, 04:13
- Bookshelf Size: 0
- cmjellison
- Posts: 6
- Joined: 07 Nov 2012, 21:55
- Bookshelf Size: 0
From my poetry experience i would say this poem needs more concrete details, let us know exactly what he did. That way it is unique and connects with events in our own life. Kudos on the rhyming, but here it gets in the way of the pain and moving on the speaker has to do.
Please feel free to send me any poems that you think need edited.
Christina
-
- Posts: 4
- Joined: 26 Nov 2012, 15:07
- Bookshelf Size: 0
Cath wrote:Trapped
I love him so much, but he’s never there,
I give him my all, but he doesn’t care.
We live in our house, but it doesn’t feel like home,
My hearts breaking inside, I feel so alone.
Tomorrow will be better; I promise I’ll change,
But nothing ever does, it’s always the same.
I can’t stand this anymore; something’s got to give,
We can’t stay like this; it is no way to live.
I try to leave, but he begs me to stay,
I know that I shouldn’t, but I can’t walk away.
I love him you see, and I always will,
Two hearts bound together, in a life with no thrill.
This has mixed of emotions and a bit too much of unrealistic hope.
- AKTuminello
- Posts: 25
- Joined: 04 Jan 2015, 20:27
- Bookshelf Size: 6
- Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-aktuminello.html
- ejcogan
- Posts: 246
- Joined: 26 Oct 2014, 21:19
- Favorite Book: Once Burned
- Currently Reading: The Truth of all Flesh
- Bookshelf Size: 31
- Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-ejcogan.html
- Latest Review: "Dehumanized" by Michael Loring
-
- Posts: 221
- Joined: 09 Sep 2016, 21:51
- Bookshelf Size: 18
- Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-genaaa.html
- Latest Review: "A Messiahs Battle For The Human Realm" by Roberto Torres Rivera
- Ashley 1820
- Posts: 267
- Joined: 15 Aug 2016, 05:23
- Currently Reading: Rebecca
- Bookshelf Size: 21
- Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-ashley-1820.html
- Mely918
- Posts: 405
- Joined: 14 May 2018, 19:15
- Currently Reading:
- Bookshelf Size: 39
- Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-mely918.html
- Latest Review: I'm Going to Kill that Cat by F. Della Notte
- jay_loquillano123
- Posts: 1
- Joined: 03 Jun 2018, 20:41
- Bookshelf Size: 0
- ladysparrow
- Posts: 1
- Joined: 03 Jun 2018, 22:58
- Bookshelf Size: 0
- palilogy
- Posts: 477
- Joined: 05 Jun 2018, 16:24
- Currently Reading:
- Bookshelf Size: 39
- Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-palilogy.html
- Latest Review: Mistress Suffragette by Diana Forbes
Why is the narrator trapped.
Specifics are always better over cliches.