Flagged as wordy sentence
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- Rain18
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Flagged as wordy sentence
The feedback received was that the sentence could be 2 sentences.
The one negative critique I have is, I felt that the delivery of the background information and the pertinent facts regarding how the supercorporations came into existence, should have been written into the storyline.
Please share your opinions or expertise, so that I can understand the suggestion a little better.
Thanks to all in advance.
“Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.”
– Frank A. Clark
- jgraney8
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Here are my two cents.Rain18 wrote: ↑31 Aug 2018, 09:30 The following sentence was flagged as wordy and pointed were deducted from my review.
The feedback received was that the sentence could be 2 sentences.
The one negative critique I have is, I felt that the delivery of the background information and the pertinent facts regarding how the supercorporations came into existence, should have been written into the storyline.
Please share your opinions or expertise, so that I can understand the suggestion a little better.
Thanks to all in advance.
The one negative critique I have is the background information and how the supercorporations came into existence should have been written into the storyline.
I would remove the I felt because your use of critique already tells the reader it is an opinion. There is no need for the delivery of unless you are going to critique how it was delivered. Also, pertinent facts can be assumed to be part of the information regarding how the supercorporations came into existence unless there are specific pertinent factors you want to discuss.
― Michel de Montaigne, The Complete Essays
- Rain18
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Your suggestions are good ones. Sometimes it takes that extra set of eyes. Thank you for taking the time to assist and remind me that the "K.I.S.S" principle still applies in some circumstances.
“Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.”
– Frank A. Clark