That smile

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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JVIRK
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That smile

Post by JVIRK »

They were wrong,
A smile isn't contagious,
She smiles at me every morning,
but other than bitter pain,
I feel nothing as I smile and walk away.

- Hopefully one day she just stops
_Delly_01
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Post by _Delly_01 »

I like the style of this, and the message is strong. But perhaps you could consider replacing "A smile isn't contagious" with "Happiness isn't contagious". I only say this because it's quite clear that she smiles, and the other person smiles, too. It's not the smile isn't contagious, it's that her happiness isn't, and the other person is left feeling a "bitter pain" as they "smile and walk away".

It's totally up to. Thank-you for sharing. :)
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