The spirit left

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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Melissa Anthony
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The spirit left

Post by Melissa Anthony »

The spirit left with a sweating Chase
But in search of a missing vase
I stood there but with a lostful gaze
Why so difficult in this choosen maze

And with the rain drop I count
As I stood up the mount
I could only look but down
Spirit come back to me now

When shall I find but only thee
Where you left I couldn't be
Why the sun now so dim
Even the moon could not beam

The hill had reach my knee
When realized she isn't thee
But then too late to hear
You will never come back so near
tanajo16
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Post by tanajo16 »

I really enjoyed this. I could visualize what was happening as I read it.
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sarahmarlowe
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Post by sarahmarlowe »

I agree with the previous post that you have some great imagery here. Unfortunately, I couldn't follow the meaning of the poem. I didn't understand if spirit was supposed to be personified. And, I didn't understand the motion of the speaker -- up a literal or figurative mountain? -- the hills were to the speaker's knees? Why is Chase capitalized? Is Chase the spirit? Yeah. I couldn't follow it. However, like I said, the imagery is strong, and I like your rhyme scheme.

Remember this is just someone from the outside looking in with a fresh eye. You understand your meaning and your thought pattern. This poem certainly means a lot to you, or your wouldn't have posted it. Good luck with your writing endeavors!
sarahmarlowe
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Melissa Anthony
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Post by Melissa Anthony »

Sarahmarlowe....I like your reply
Quite challenging and inspiring
It made me go back and understand myself once more

Try and understand ....it is a depressed soul imaginations....so depressed that every thing turns upside down and nature against.

I wrote it in depression and each time I read it....I feel same feelings as though I'm still there
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