Love Sonnet 229
- ReyvrexQuestor Reyes
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Love Sonnet 229
With not a trickle spilling down my lawn,
Seems that misfortune felt on me so hard,
Thru nights of darkness without hints of dawn;
Time pelted me with woes that I can't shake,
That filled my cup to fullness ever since
That day, this yoke my shoulders vowed to take,
That all my brows, with saline sweats, would rinse;
But lifeline bridged the sea, cast from your hands,
To fetch this castaway from raging waves,
At last in your embrace, I found drylands,
Your eyes, the guiding stars this sailor craves;
..... Let trophies rain, but love is what I've sought,
..... Or else, the sunshine, bright, that your love brought.
...To delineate the times that lovers miss,
...A thousand dreams can't beat a single kiss.
-reyvrex (Love Sonnet 107)
- ReyvrexQuestor Reyes
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Thank you.
...To delineate the times that lovers miss,
...A thousand dreams can't beat a single kiss.
-reyvrex (Love Sonnet 107)
- ReyvrexQuestor Reyes
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... Let trophies rain, but love is what I've sought,
... Or else, the sunshine, bright, that your love brought.
...To delineate the times that lovers miss,
...A thousand dreams can't beat a single kiss.
-reyvrex (Love Sonnet 107)
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- ReyvrexQuestor Reyes
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Good point. Being a nonspeaker of English -- I mean not a native speaker -- I have to sift through (not thru?) various English-speaking sources for items of usage I am not sure of. You are right that "through" should be used in lieu of "thru" as the latter is an informal form. Maybe, what you pointed out is my next topic for an "erratum" post. Thank you.
...To delineate the times that lovers miss,
...A thousand dreams can't beat a single kiss.
-reyvrex (Love Sonnet 107)
- ReyvrexQuestor Reyes
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And thank you @ Bunnchopp for the idea.
...To delineate the times that lovers miss,
...A thousand dreams can't beat a single kiss.
-reyvrex (Love Sonnet 107)
- mayangodm
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- ReyvrexQuestor Reyes
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I find this a nice and erudite comment. Presumably, you have learned from many other poems in order to arrive at that observation. Thanks.mayangodm wrote: ↑22 Jul 2019, 11:59 I find this to be a gorgeous sonnet. The ellipses on the last two lines allow the reader to take a breath and process the rest of the poem a little more before being saved by the conclusion. I've got to say: I've never heard someone speak of a yoke in a poem; that was a marvelous imagery. Nice.
...To delineate the times that lovers miss,
...A thousand dreams can't beat a single kiss.
-reyvrex (Love Sonnet 107)
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- Samwisekoop
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- ReyvrexQuestor Reyes
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Thank you for the idea. I think I have to agree with you. The metrical count would still be retained, and the sense not altered.Samwisekoop wrote: ↑25 May 2020, 12:24 This is lovely! Well done. But I think you might want to consider turning "can't" in the fifth line to "cannot". I think that will make it flow better.
...To delineate the times that lovers miss,
...A thousand dreams can't beat a single kiss.
-reyvrex (Love Sonnet 107)
- ReyvrexQuestor Reyes
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That seems to be the thought. But the amazing fact is, people would often interpret based on their own experiences. Thanks for passing by. Stay safe.
...To delineate the times that lovers miss,
...A thousand dreams can't beat a single kiss.
-reyvrex (Love Sonnet 107)
- ReyvrexQuestor Reyes
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You were saying in the fifth lineSamwisekoop wrote: ↑25 May 2020, 12:24 This is lovely! Well done. But I think you might want to consider turning "can't" in the fifth line to "cannot". I think that will make it flow better.
"Time pelted me with woes that I can't shake,"
"can't" should be changed to "cannot" and maybe, the line would now read as follows
"Time pelted me with woes I cannot shake,"
Well, that sounds better to the ear. Thank you.
...To delineate the times that lovers miss,
...A thousand dreams can't beat a single kiss.
-reyvrex (Love Sonnet 107)
- ReyvrexQuestor Reyes
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When trophies rained upon my neighbor's yard,
With not a trickle spilling down my lawn,
Seems that misfortune fell on me so hard,
Thru nights of darkness without hints of dawn;
Time pelted me with woes I cannot shake,
That filled my cup to fullness ever since
That day, this yoke my shoulders vowed to take,
That all my brows, with saline sweats, would rinse;
But lifeline bridged the sea, cast from your hands,
To fetch this castaway from raging waves,
At last in your embrace, I found drylands,
Your eyes, the guiding stars this sailor craves;
..... Let trophies rain, but love is what I've sought,
..... Or else, the sunshine, bright, that your love brought.
Thank you.
...To delineate the times that lovers miss,
...A thousand dreams can't beat a single kiss.
-reyvrex (Love Sonnet 107)
- Angul Sonti
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