Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
Post Reply
Noraine Alissa Poria
Posts: 221
Joined: 25 Aug 2018, 21:42
Currently Reading: Bro Code
Bookshelf Size: 22
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-noraine-alissa-poria.html
Latest Review: The Making Of A Con by Grace Larson

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Post by Noraine Alissa Poria » 26 Aug 2018, 02:19

i. And quiet places never seem quite to me
because ticks and tacks always bother me
all the nagging in my head, all the worries
never die down, even if I close my eyes
and breathe heavily, there's always be noise
disturbing noises that only I, can hear.

ii. It's neat, that's what I tell myself
whenever I see a pile of shirts
organized carefully;
by size, by color
no repeat it
by color, by shade
no it doesn't look perfect
why do I have the impulse to do this
no repeat it once more
should I pile it like in the department store?
no I want better than that
I don't want less than perfect
Repeat it
Repeat it
Repeat it
until it's perfect.

iii. I feel something itching inside my skin
it doesn't hurt, but my heart is rapidly beating because of it
I feel discomfort on my nape, all the goosebumps appeared
my worry is on the surface now, my anxiety is arising
did I lock the door?
did I turn off the light?
did I unplugged the television
did I, did I?
did I lock the door?
did I turn off the light?
did I unplugged the television
I need to get up
I need to make sure
I need to repeat it again
I want to be safe
I need to lock the door again even if it's already lock;
to make sure it won't break
to make sure it is safe
I need to, I need to do this things repeatedly
I need to
I want to
I will be safe.

iv. I tried not to wash my hands ten times every hour
but it doesn't seem right to walk around
nor sit in my office with a dirty hands
I tried not to replay the little image in my mind
but it seems wrong not to think of it
I tried to break away from my pattern
doing things against its schedule
but my impulse and obsession won't let me break away
I am sorry
I am sorry
I am soryy
I will repeat it over and over again until you—
accept me and my OCD.

User avatar
DATo
Previous Member of the Month
Posts: 3930
Joined: 31 Dec 2011, 07:54
Bookshelf Size: 0

Post by DATo » 26 Aug 2018, 02:29

I like it! Mildly amusing, but at the same time it describes the serious side of the condition quite well

There are a few typos which don't necessarily make the poem any worse, but I thought I'd point it out.
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
― Steven Wright

User avatar
sarahmarlowe
Posts: 225
Joined: 02 Jun 2018, 18:57
Favorite Book: One Second After
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 88
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-sarahmarlowe.html
Latest Review: At the Mouth of a Cannon by Kevin Annett
Reading Device: B00KC6I06S

Post by sarahmarlowe » 17 Nov 2018, 13:19

Wow. I really enjoyed reading your work. I do not have OCD, but this portrayal in writing makes it relatable. The repetition in your poem was very effective. I noted that you used "Repeat it" and "I'm sorry" three times each. I'm curious that you include four stanzas when I thought maybe there would be three. Is writing four an example of breaking the cycle? Or might it be more effective to write three? Just a thought.

By the way, I don't find it amusing, at all. I read it as a portrait of a very difficult struggle.

There are several typos that take away from the impact of the reading, so you may want to check those.

Again, I enjoyed this poem. Thank you for posting for all to see! Keep putting your thoughts on paper.

:tiphat: :techie-reference:
sarahmarlowe
You can spend your time however you want, but you can spend it only once. :eusa-think:

Post Reply

Return to “Creative Original Works: Poetry”