Tear in the Cup

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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Is this despressive enough? 😅

#Broken
0
No votes
#Dark
1
33%
#Despressed
2
67%
 
Total votes: 3

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dreaming27
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Tear in the Cup

Post by dreaming27 » 26 Aug 2018, 02:14

Although the storm was masked
By the circus clown to amuse the pain
Tragedy often swings by quickly
Like the secretive thick air
Wounds are opened
Forbidden to hide their scars
Brutal dirt has taken over the living
Disloyalty has flooded the blooming roses
Still the fairy is wishing upon the star
Cries of the innocent children
Are there any available hands
Families are supposed to ease the pain
The sketches have been torn apart
The weak heart was hit by the dart
Could storytime be a Heaven
Since the mouth can't speak
Should answers be drawn through art
Shiny glass still sheds those tears
Chaining them up to praise the fear
Where have all those dandelions gone
The bully wind could've threatened them
Alone the dry tear lingers

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sarahmarlowe
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Post by sarahmarlowe » 17 Nov 2018, 12:57

You have a lot of really good imagery here! My favorite is "Shiny glass still sheds those tears". To me, it evokes a picture of a small glass statuette with sparkling tears dripping down her face.

To me, this seems to be a treatment of many things that hurt us. I see hidden pain, disloyalty, abuse, the loss of childhood, maybe? I wasn't able to put it all together, though. All of the imagery seemed to overwhelm me. I didn't leave with a clear focus. Is it about child abuse? Family arguments? Life's many pains in general?

Thank you for posting your work here. I enjoyed the read. Keep putting your words on paper! :tiphat:
sarahmarlowe
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