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How many times can the story go like this?
Knife to gut. It slides. Skin breaks. Blood pours. and pours. and pours. and you smile, and you wait. For it to be enough, to be empty enough to be wanted, to have enough vacant space for someone to want to fill. If you strip yourself of everything, you can be rebuilt. Maybe you could be rebuilt into something beautiful, into something someone might want. You thought you could finally be loved.
What happens to the heart that falls? What about your ribs? What about the soft flowers wound around them? What about your softness? What happens to all of it? Will you just watch it rot? Will you rot?
There’s blood everywhere and you’re waiting. You’re still waiting. It all hurts so much and all of you is open, vulnerable, red and bright.
You’re still waiting.
But then she sighs so quietly. And she looks at you. Hand to cheek, her hands stained red from years ago (from her own gutting, from her own pain). She pulls out a needle and thread, she pushes it all back inside, she see’s it all, she says every part of you is beautiful. She sews you back together. She wipes your tears, she kisses your cheeks, and you exhale a breath you didn’t know you were holding.
She kisses you and the sun begins to shine on you again. She kisses you and there’s roses growing around your wrists. She kisses you and your heart beats so fast you feel it in your throat. You feel everything all at once, so suddenly, so loudly.
You’re beautiful, she says. You’re beautiful even when you’re not hurting. Even when everything is hidden. Even when you’re only you. She smiles and you exhale a breath you knew you were holding.
Snd you hand her the knife.
It’s a test she might now know she’s even taking.
She drops it.
And you kiss her.
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