Breaking romantic laws

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
Post Reply
Daniel-book
Posts: 71
Joined: 17 Apr 2018, 14:44
Bookshelf Size: 0

Breaking romantic laws

Post by Daniel-book »

I don’t want to go to an exotic restaurant,
To eat French salad,
Or go to a music concert,
To listen to love ballad.

I do not want to go out in the cold,
To watch stars and the moon,
Or to prove that I am bold,
By riding on a hot air balloon.

I do not want to go to the park,
To look at a white rhino,
Or try my luck,
Gambling in a members-only Casino.

I do not want to go to the beach,
I see no beauty in a blue sea,
And salt-rich crab fish,
Is not even close to my fantasy.

All I want is to spend time with you indoor,
My head on your chest,
Not caring about any romantic law,
Not caring about the rest.
User avatar
palilogy
Posts: 477
Joined: 05 Jun 2018, 16:24
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 39
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-palilogy.html
Latest Review: Mistress Suffragette by Diana Forbes

Post by palilogy »

indoor should be indoors
overall the passion seems under the surface
a few of the rhymes and lines are a bit too cliche
consider speaking out from the rhymes
Post Reply

Return to “Creative Original Works: Poetry”