He's Just Not The One

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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thisgirl818
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He's Just Not The One

Post by thisgirl818 » 28 Jul 2018, 04:28

I've been asking myself over and over
What am I doing staying here?
I cover my face with my hand, chuckling
Tears poking as I laugh at this bitter taste

He's not the one
If he holds you tight
Without memorizing every part of you

He's not the one
If he comforts you every night
Without knowing the reason why you're always afraid

He's not the one
If he whispers you his love
Without making you feel special and deserving

He's not the one
If he's physically sitting next to you
And you still feel like it's just you in that bench

He's not the one
If you pretend to say I love you too,
Without crying every night because you can't feel anything anymore

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joycechitwa
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Post by joycechitwa » 28 Jul 2018, 04:46

Is this your writing? You are so gifted! The poem would definitely resonate with a person who feels trapped in a relationship ther don'g feel is right. I can sense the quiet desperation and loneliness and heartbreak of the personna. Great work.

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palilogy
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Post by palilogy » 05 Aug 2018, 10:34

I think the first few stanzas are stronger then it drowns out.
Consider omitting or reworking the last three stanzas.

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