The Welcome Wagon

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
Post Reply
User avatar
lattes_and_lit
Posts: 4
Joined: 18 Jul 2018, 15:41
Bookshelf Size: 0

The Welcome Wagon

Post by lattes_and_lit » 18 Jul 2018, 17:09

What I wouldn’t give to be a fly on the wall
A wallflower in this place that prides itself on inclusion
But there are furrowed brows,and sideways glances
Assimilation is discouraged.

User avatar
palilogy
Posts: 477
Joined: 05 Jun 2018, 16:24
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 39
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-palilogy.html
Latest Review: Mistress Suffragette by Diana Forbes

Post by palilogy » 20 Jul 2018, 09:55

I'm not sure anything new is being said here that I haven't seen before.
Consider putting more of you into the poem.
Use specifics and examples =)

User avatar
sarahmarlowe
Posts: 330
Joined: 02 Jun 2018, 18:57
2019 Reading Goal: 70
2019 Reading Goal Completion: 15
2018 Reading Goal: 70
Favorite Book: One Second After
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 106
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-sarahmarlowe.html
Latest Review: The Memory Palace by Barbara Milman
Reading Device: B00KC6I06S

Post by sarahmarlowe » 17 Nov 2018, 13:38

This seems more like a blurb or an unfinished thought than a completed work. You might want to come back to this for editing. While you're at it, you may want either to remove the cliches or adding more to use as a motif.

Keep writing! :)
sarahmarlowe
You can spend your time however you want, but you can spend it only once. :eusa-think:

Post Reply

Return to “Creative Original Works: Poetry”