Whiskey Nights

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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thisgirl818
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Whiskey Nights

Post by thisgirl818 »

It's two in the morning
And I'm still sitting here
Sipping whiskey with the thought of you

The saddest moment
Starts with "we used to..."
And ends with "but the circumstances are different now"

A bitter chuckle escapes
Did you just love me
From the start to middle and bail in the end?

I miss what we did first
Those late-night-till-dawn conversations
Things we did when you were still so in love with me

The way your eyes
Laid on mine with such intensity
Like you were crazily in love and nothing was stopping you

From loving me
Giving me all your craziness
It was everything I want from you and nothing more

What happened to us?
I feel the whiskey kicking in
And I started to cry for everything single thing we lost
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Jeck Owuor
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Post by Jeck Owuor »

Nice piece.
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palilogy
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Post by palilogy »

"Giving me all your craziness"
-- Your best line

Cut everything else, all the cliche's. Use examples - originality. That is what makes a great poem.
Latest Review: Mistress Suffragette by Diana Forbes
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ccranston
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Post by ccranston »

Very nice poem. I think you can make it more personal though. Why is this person so hard to forget and worth crying over? What is it that you "used to" do? For example, my ex and I use to stare at the stars for hours trying to find dippers. We did that on our first date and every chance we got afterwards.

What makes you miss this person?
“You know you’ve read a good book when you turn the last page and feel a little as if you have lost a friend." –Paul Sweeney
Latest Review: World, Incorporated by Tom Gariffo
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