What We Used To Be

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
Post Reply
User avatar
thisgirl818
Posts: 69
Joined: 06 Apr 2018, 05:02
Bookshelf Size: 0

What We Used To Be

Post by thisgirl818 »

We used to be so in love
We used to be everything we want
But not anymore, nope, nada

We used to have those long walks
Now it's just a short trip to the subway
Nothing left but "I'm too tired" goodbyes

We used to be like two-way mirrors
Seeing our bare selves through the days
How did it turn into selfish rear-views?

We used to say it truthfully
"I love you till infinity and beyond"
But I don't think you mean it anymore
User avatar
Lifefy
Posts: 1
Joined: 10 Jul 2018, 06:25
Bookshelf Size: 0

Post by Lifefy »

Good one,
nice words easy to ready.
User avatar
palilogy
Posts: 477
Joined: 05 Jun 2018, 16:24
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 39
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-palilogy.html
Latest Review: Mistress Suffragette by Diana Forbes

Post by palilogy »

I think the emotion and tone are all here in this poem - but you aren't saying anything.
Use the material and real raw emotions - examples. Put more words and life into this poem.
Otherwise it's only a cliche' that reveals nothing new to the reader.
Post Reply

Return to “Creative Original Works: Poetry”