What We Used To Be

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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thisgirl818
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What We Used To Be

Post by thisgirl818 » 10 Jul 2018, 01:56

We used to be so in love
We used to be everything we want
But not anymore, nope, nada

We used to have those long walks
Now it's just a short trip to the subway
Nothing left but "I'm too tired" goodbyes

We used to be like two-way mirrors
Seeing our bare selves through the days
How did it turn into selfish rear-views?

We used to say it truthfully
"I love you till infinity and beyond"
But I don't think you mean it anymore

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Lifefy
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Post by Lifefy » 10 Jul 2018, 06:49

Good one,
nice words easy to ready.

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palilogy
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Post by palilogy » 10 Jul 2018, 20:44

I think the emotion and tone are all here in this poem - but you aren't saying anything.
Use the material and real raw emotions - examples. Put more words and life into this poem.
Otherwise it's only a cliche' that reveals nothing new to the reader.

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