She did not like the earth

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
Post Reply
Daniel-book
Posts: 71
Joined: 17 Apr 2018, 14:44
Bookshelf Size: 0

She did not like the earth

Post by Daniel-book »

Whenever I think of my daughter,
I ask myself why and what,
Why she decided to end the race as soon as it started,
What made her to give up the fight.

Was it the feel of black nipple that filled her toothless mouth,
That made her to lose interest in what life had to offer?
Was it the plain taste of milk that she did not like?
But is it not a well-known fact that all babies like breast-milk?

Was it the face of her father that she did not like?
A face which did not know which expression to express,
After a long night devoid of sleep,
A face that looked similar to hers,
Did my daughter despise the face of her father?

Was it the hospital ceiling that had patches of brown stains,
And the smell of H.I.V/AIDS,
That ebbed all her energy away,
And left her limbs withered?

Maybe my daughter did not like the earth,
She could not stand what awaited her,
The pain, the heartbreaks, the diseases, the war, the hunger, the disappointments,
The moment her head popped up from my dark womb,
She knew the earth was not the place she wanted to be,
She knew there and then that it was better not to be born,
Now what am I going to do with all these milk in my breast?
User avatar
sarahmarlowe
Previous Member of the Month
Posts: 1070
Joined: 02 Jun 2018, 18:57
Favorite Book: One Second After
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 191
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-sarahmarlowe.html
Latest Review: The best therapy by Jim LaPierre LCSW, CCS
Reading Device: B00KC6I06S

Post by sarahmarlowe »

Wow. What a serious and compelling work. It's nicely done.

I like the return to milk at the end of the poem. (Although you may want to check the last line for typos. I think "these" might supposed to be "this.")

I also like the imagery of the hospital ceiling. How unusual! I would not have thought to add a ceiling in a description. To me, it makes me think beyond the child lying on her back. It makes me think of the mother staring at the ceiling because she has been sitting by her child's side for hour upon hour.

Thank you for posting for all the world to see! Keep putting your words on paper!! :)
sarahmarlowe
You can spend your time however you want, but you can spend it only once. :eusa-think:
User avatar
JVIRK
Posts: 10
Joined: 22 Sep 2018, 14:05
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 2

Post by JVIRK »

It's beautiful, these sentiments can only be describe as vividly as it was by a mother.
Post Reply

Return to “Creative Original Works: Poetry”