Torn

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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SereneCharles
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Torn

Post by SereneCharles » 30 Jun 2018, 10:29

I hated doing it

But he’d always make me

He held a position so high

I wanted to keep him there

So I’d let him do it to me

Not that I didn’t enjoy it

But I felt dirty afterwards

Because I knew it was wrong

He was a paedophile

And I, his victim

I’m grown up now

But the memory still haunts

I never told anyone

And I probably never will

He’s attained a higher position

Respected and loved by all

But here I am

Broken and hurt

I write about it everyday

But then delete it soon too

After all, who would be happy to read

something like this

But this time I’m going to leave the writing

I’ll toss it out on the streets and hope someone

good finds it

And tell everyone my story

Even though I’d be anonymous
Writing is so much fun. So is reading. :techie-studyingbrown:

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palilogy
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Post by palilogy » 02 Jul 2018, 11:22

Great poem
I love your use of line spacing "I'll toss it out on the streets and hope someone / good finds it"
I think you have a strong voice and narrator here =)
I would just consider the ending - it doesn't seem as strong as the rest of the poem.

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SereneCharles
Posts: 134
Joined: 17 May 2018, 18:18
2018 Reading Goal: 60
2018 Reading Goal Completion: 23
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 21
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-serenecharles.html
Latest Review: Sigfried’s Smelly Socks! by Len Foley

Post by SereneCharles » 02 Jul 2018, 11:29

palilogy wrote:
02 Jul 2018, 11:22
Great poem
I love your use of line spacing "I'll toss it out on the streets and hope someone / good finds it"
I think you have a strong voice and narrator here =)
I would just consider the ending - it doesn't seem as strong as the rest of the poem.
I was thinking the same thing too. Thanks for pointing that out.
Writing is so much fun. So is reading. :techie-studyingbrown:

User avatar
SereneCharles
Posts: 134
Joined: 17 May 2018, 18:18
2018 Reading Goal: 60
2018 Reading Goal Completion: 23
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 21
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-serenecharles.html
Latest Review: Sigfried’s Smelly Socks! by Len Foley

Post by SereneCharles » 02 Jul 2018, 11:29

palilogy wrote:
02 Jul 2018, 11:22
Great poem
I love your use of line spacing "I'll toss it out on the streets and hope someone / good finds it"
I think you have a strong voice and narrator here =)
I would just consider the ending - it doesn't seem as strong as the rest of the poem.
I was thinking the same thing too. Thanks for pointing that out.
Writing is so much fun. So is reading. :techie-studyingbrown:

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