The Departure from my heart; Winter girl

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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Ayesha Shoaib
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The Departure from my heart; Winter girl

Post by Ayesha Shoaib » 09 Jun 2018, 12:04

Each day it rains, and each day I fall
and kiss the sweet misery; your soft petaled soul,
that hides mysteriously
behind that
smile
in your face.
Summer waits for me in the backyard, with daisies in her hair,
and roses in her cheeks.
and this time
my love,
with strings of new beginnings in my heart--

I abandon to smell all your winter roses,

I set you free,
I forget the past,

I let you go.

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palilogy
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Post by palilogy » 10 Jun 2018, 22:27

I'm interested in the line "I abandon to smell all your winter roses"
Consider which lines are your strength and writing no line weaker then the one that came before it.
Example I love that line but then the last three lines of the poem fall flat. They are not as strong and don't speak or say something new to the poem. Enhance the poem. Think on your greatest lines.

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