After We Sleep

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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mland2000
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After We Sleep

Post by mland2000 »

After We Sleep


When you awake, we shall have chocolate cake Long walks, park visits, and horsey rides Fresh air, car trips We will savor the light There will be tears and smiles Board books , swings and snacks Always snacks , but don't tell Mom Of course, there will be tears and quivering lips I promise to keep you safe
Wrapped in softness Swaddled in love.
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palilogy
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Latest Review: Mistress Suffragette by Diana Forbes

Post by palilogy »

"But don't tell mom of course"
There is your best line
You are only as good as your best line = so consider the rest of the poem
You succeed when you are being original - stay away from the cliche's and rhyming scheme
Awake and chocolate cake are not the point of the poem.
Latest Review: Mistress Suffragette by Diana Forbes
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