Midnight Thoughts

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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Daniel-book
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Joined: 17 Apr 2018, 14:44
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Midnight Thoughts

Post by Daniel-book »

The world is asleep,
The night is pitch black and dark,
Lovers have finished making love,
There are no stars in the sky above.

The world is asleep,
The king of the jungle has roared and every animal has gone into hiding,
Even crickets have postponed their wedding,
Mosquitoes are snoring with empty stomachs!

The world is asleep,
Unlucky thieves have joined their lucky partners in crime to sleep the rest of the night away,
Patients in hospital beds have gone into deep slumber,
They have,for a moment,forgotten about their pains,
Long distance truck drivers have parked their trucks by the unlit highway to catch a nap!

The world is asleep,
Night guards manning huge steel gates have slipped into the world of dreams,
I wake up at this time of the night when the world is dead,
I take my pen and write poems about young adolescent girls receiving their first menstrual blood,
Where in the morning they wake up with sensitive breasts and bloody bedsheets,
I do this before the world wakes up,
Before lovers start making love again!
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isaac3390
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Post by isaac3390 »

night sometimes have a positives aspects
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palilogy
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Joined: 05 Jun 2018, 16:24
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Post by palilogy »

You develop your style as you write
There are some amazing lines here!!
Keep your strengths and go back and reconsider the cliches and throw away lines.
The beginning does not grip me or compel me to read but at you write you find your tone and that is great "young adolescent girls receiving their first menstrual blood" - such a strong image
You are only as good as your best line - keep up the unique!
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