What do they know?

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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jgraney8
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What do they know?

Post by jgraney8 » 25 May 2018, 21:47

The kids, what do they know?
Laughing at us two old folks holding hands.
What do they know of
the child lost to the maelstrom
of voices bending his cries into
unintelligible murmurings deep into the night.
What do they know of
the joy dance of a moon lighting
the sand clinging annoyingly to toes
and clothes as we herd turtles to the sea
together and the smile dimming the moon.
What do they know of love
tempered by unearned distrust and frights
of anger at supposed betrayal healed
slowly with bouts of soul divining.
Oh what do they know of the pain
needed to deepen love, of hands held
to solder this bridge fusing two hearts?
“On the highest throne in the world, we still sit only on our own bottom.”
― Michel de Montaigne, The Complete Essays

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thaservices1
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Post by thaservices1 » 02 Jun 2018, 04:42

Very good. Let em laugh.
"It is not the critic that counts..."
- Roosevelt

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mariread23
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Post by mariread23 » 02 Jun 2018, 04:53

Ha its great so much thought and depth just on those words..

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palilogy
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Post by palilogy » 10 Jun 2018, 22:41

I would consider taking away the repetition in the poem.
What do they know?
Would be so much stronger simple as a title.
It has a greater impact - and visually the poem would be better from an aesthetic point of view.

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KatSims92
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Post by KatSims92 » 29 Jun 2018, 09:09

This was so lovely. The imagery is so great, and I really enjoyed it.

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