INCOMPLETE

[biscuits]

INCOMPLETE

Decades ago
Solitude my first love
Undisputedly cherished
Until I met Mark
Convincing me
First love isn’t always best
The best morphology he had
More radiant than the sun
Kinder than the dove
We were so compatible
We promised ourselves a future
One with generations of us
Until that unfortunate noon
Preceded by the full moon
Harbinger of bad news
Rang and I answered
I was told
His car tussled and tumbled
Over third mainland bridge
I imagined how
It traversed depths of the sea
Oh my! Poor Mark
He travelled to another abode
One without sorrow, suffering
One without my love
Like a fallen tumbler
My heart shattered
Pieces scattered and unfixable
He left so soon
And left me with solitude
What’s solitude without a complete heart?

[cynthiawafula1872]

The poem is nice but kinda emotional

[ReyvrexQuestor Reyes]

On the right track. Keep on. Thanks for sharing.

[jgraney8]

The sense of loss is expressed by the changing meaning of solitude in the narrator's mind. IMHO I think more detail instead of mood words would make this poem more powerful.

[biscuits]

The poem is nice but kinda emotional

Thanks for the comment. I'm glad to have affected your emotions

[biscuits]

On the right track. Keep on. Thanks for sharing.

Thanks for your comment and for reading!

[biscuits]

The sense of loss is expressed by the changing meaning of solitude in the narrator's mind. IMHO I think more detail instead of mood words would make this poem more powerful.

Okay. Thanks for reading but I don't really understand by 'detail'. Is it the details of the person's loss?

[jgraney8]

biscuits wrote:
Okay. Thanks for reading but I don't really understand by 'detail'. Is it the details of the person's loss?

When I say details, I mean more of these types of lines

His car tussled and tumbled
Over third mainland bridge

These kinds of word choices help me get a visual comprehension of your poem. Words that evoke sight, sound, taste and smell seem to make a poem more real. I am obviously no expert, so you don't have to take me too seriously.

[biscuits]

biscuits wrote:
Okay. Thanks for reading but I don't really understand by 'detail'. Is it the details of the person's loss?

When I say details, I mean more of these types of lines

His car tussled and tumbled
Over third mainland bridge

These kinds of word choices help me get a visual comprehension of your poem. Words that evoke sight, sound, taste and smell seem to make a poem more real. I am obviously no expert, so you don't have to take me too seriously.

Okay, I do get what you're saying now. Thanks.