I Shall Sit Here and Wait

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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Daniel-book
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I Shall Sit Here and Wait

Post by Daniel-book »

I shall sit here and wait,
Even if it will get so dark and late,
I shall patiently sit and wait here by the gate.

I shall sit here and wait for her,
I shall send the gateman to get me a strong drink from the bar,
I shall drink slowly until I hear the sound of a car,
I want to see with my own eyes a man dropping her.

It is already past ten,
I shall tell our daughter to warm the chicken,
I shall sooth her to go to bed,
I shall frighten her that if she does not go to bed she will get flu,
As for me I still have some waiting to do.

If the gateman asks me whether I still need more drink,
I shall reply,’’What do you think?’’
Even if he does not get me more beer,
I shall sit and wait right here!

When she will get in,looking weary and exhausted with sex,
I know it will be very risky,
But I shall hit her head hard with a bottle if whisky,
I shall press the broken bottle into her fleshy belly until she bleeds out the baby she is carrying,
If she pleads for mercy and tells me that she is still my wife,
The more I shall get angry and bring a knife,
I shall stab her chest severally,
If our daughter wakes up I shall tell her,’’Honey,you do not have to eat cold food anymore,
And I do not have to sit and wait by the gate no more!’’
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Fantazzia_09
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Post by Fantazzia_09 »

I loved it!
Daniel-book
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Post by Daniel-book »

Thank you
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jgraney8
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Post by jgraney8 »

I read two of your poems. They tell stories with twists at the end that seem to take us down darker paths. I wonder if you might have had a stronger poem if you had repeated "I shall sit here and wait" at the beginning of each stanza. It works so well for me with the first stanzas.
“On the highest throne in the world, we still sit only on our own bottom.”
― Michel de Montaigne, The Complete Essays
Daniel-book
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Post by Daniel-book »

Mhh,thanks for the observations
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