Poetry:My Five Senses

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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biscuits
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Poetry:My Five Senses

Post by biscuits » 10 May 2018, 17:35

Please help with feedback on this piece. I wrote it about 2 months ago

POETRY : MY FIVE SENSES

The aroma of my words
What you perceive
When I speak
Sight of my letters
My works of art
What gladdens your heart
The most melodious song
One loves to hear
Never hurts the ear
Not even with the semblance of food
Yet it sumptuous taste on the tongue of the one who recites
Feels the stomach of our thoughts all night
And rejuvenates our mood
Armless,
It touches my soul and being
Revives my five senses
Only poetry is of such great appeal

Akosua +
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Post by Akosua + » 18 May 2018, 12:13

Such a positive poem! It gives out positive outcomes to people who really understand what the persona actually feels. I love it typically because I love poems.

biscuits
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Post by biscuits » 24 May 2018, 07:16

Akosua + wrote:
18 May 2018, 12:13
Such a positive poem! It gives out positive outcomes to people who really understand what the persona actually feels. I love it typically because I love poems.
I'm happy you loved it! Although its only true when you actually understand the persona. Once you don't understand the persona, it can be really frustrating. By the way, do you write poems?

Akosua +
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Post by Akosua + » 29 May 2018, 11:31

Yes I do but I'm still learning so I'll be very glad with your help and I'm also new here

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thaservices1
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Post by thaservices1 » 02 Jun 2018, 04:25

'Yet its' on line 11.

'The aroma of my words', what a great line.
"It is not the critic that counts..."
- Roosevelt

biscuits
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Post by biscuits » 03 Jun 2018, 02:21

Akosua + wrote:
29 May 2018, 11:31
Yes I do but I'm still learning so I'll be very glad with your help and I'm also new here
Well its not like I write very good too but practice, a lot of reading and seeking constructive criticism helps too. A reason why platforms like this can help you get different opinions about what you've written.

biscuits
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Post by biscuits » 03 Jun 2018, 02:23

thaservices1 wrote:
02 Jun 2018, 04:25
'Yet its' on line 11.

'The aroma of my words', what a great line.
Thanks for the comment and the correction!

biscuits
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Post by biscuits » 03 Jun 2018, 02:30

biscuits wrote:
10 May 2018, 17:35
Please help with feedback on this piece. I wrote it about 2 months ago

POETRY : MY FIVE SENSES

The aroma of my words
What you perceive
When I speak
Sight of my letters
My works of art
What gladdens your heart
The most melodious song
One loves to hear
Never hurts the ear
Not even with the semblance of food
Yet it sumptuous taste on the tongue of the one who recites
Feels the stomach of our thoughts all night
And rejuvenates our mood
Armless,
It touches my soul and being
Revives my five senses
Only poetry is of such great appeal
On line eleven, it is supposed to be ''Yet its* sumptuous taste on the tongue of the one who recite''

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thaservices1
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Post by thaservices1 » 04 Jun 2018, 16:46

I really enjoyed this one. A lot of interesting imagery.
"It is not the critic that counts..."
- Roosevelt

biscuits
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Post by biscuits » 18 Jun 2018, 06:12

thaservices1 wrote:
04 Jun 2018, 16:46
I really enjoyed this one. A lot of interesting imagery.
Thanks for reading. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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palilogy
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Post by palilogy » 18 Jun 2018, 09:37

Interesting poem you have a real solid strength in these lines,
"What you perceive
When I speak"
I do think you should look into omitting repetition - too many my and our.

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