Poetry:My Five Senses

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
Post Reply
biscuits
Posts: 52
Joined: 16 Apr 2018, 03:46
Favorite Book: Life is an open secret
Currently Reading: How to win and influence people
Bookshelf Size: 19
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-biscuits.html
Latest Review: Trip to Adele by R I Alyaseer and A I Alyaseer

Poetry:My Five Senses

Post by biscuits »

Please help with feedback on this piece. I wrote it about 2 months ago

POETRY : MY FIVE SENSES

The aroma of my words
What you perceive
When I speak
Sight of my letters
My works of art
What gladdens your heart
The most melodious song
One loves to hear
Never hurts the ear
Not even with the semblance of food
Yet it sumptuous taste on the tongue of the one who recites
Feels the stomach of our thoughts all night
And rejuvenates our mood
Armless,
It touches my soul and being
Revives my five senses
Only poetry is of such great appeal
Akosua +
Posts: 22
Joined: 18 May 2018, 09:12
Bookshelf Size: 0

Post by Akosua + »

Such a positive poem! It gives out positive outcomes to people who really understand what the persona actually feels. I love it typically because I love poems.
biscuits
Posts: 52
Joined: 16 Apr 2018, 03:46
Favorite Book: Life is an open secret
Currently Reading: How to win and influence people
Bookshelf Size: 19
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-biscuits.html
Latest Review: Trip to Adele by R I Alyaseer and A I Alyaseer

Post by biscuits »

Akosua + wrote: 18 May 2018, 12:13 Such a positive poem! It gives out positive outcomes to people who really understand what the persona actually feels. I love it typically because I love poems.
I'm happy you loved it! Although its only true when you actually understand the persona. Once you don't understand the persona, it can be really frustrating. By the way, do you write poems?
Akosua +
Posts: 22
Joined: 18 May 2018, 09:12
Bookshelf Size: 0

Post by Akosua + »

Yes I do but I'm still learning so I'll be very glad with your help and I'm also new here
User avatar
thaservices1
Posts: 630
Joined: 21 Apr 2018, 22:22
Favorite Book: Nightlord: Sunset
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 89
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-thaservices1.html
Latest Review: ChatGPT for Entrepreneurs by Steven A. Ridder

Post by thaservices1 »

'Yet its' on line 11.

'The aroma of my words', what a great line.
"It is not the critic that counts..."
- Roosevelt
biscuits
Posts: 52
Joined: 16 Apr 2018, 03:46
Favorite Book: Life is an open secret
Currently Reading: How to win and influence people
Bookshelf Size: 19
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-biscuits.html
Latest Review: Trip to Adele by R I Alyaseer and A I Alyaseer

Post by biscuits »

Akosua + wrote: 29 May 2018, 11:31 Yes I do but I'm still learning so I'll be very glad with your help and I'm also new here
Well its not like I write very good too but practice, a lot of reading and seeking constructive criticism helps too. A reason why platforms like this can help you get different opinions about what you've written.
biscuits
Posts: 52
Joined: 16 Apr 2018, 03:46
Favorite Book: Life is an open secret
Currently Reading: How to win and influence people
Bookshelf Size: 19
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-biscuits.html
Latest Review: Trip to Adele by R I Alyaseer and A I Alyaseer

Post by biscuits »

thaservices1 wrote: 02 Jun 2018, 04:25 'Yet its' on line 11.

'The aroma of my words', what a great line.
Thanks for the comment and the correction!
biscuits
Posts: 52
Joined: 16 Apr 2018, 03:46
Favorite Book: Life is an open secret
Currently Reading: How to win and influence people
Bookshelf Size: 19
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-biscuits.html
Latest Review: Trip to Adele by R I Alyaseer and A I Alyaseer

Post by biscuits »

biscuits wrote: 10 May 2018, 17:35 Please help with feedback on this piece. I wrote it about 2 months ago

POETRY : MY FIVE SENSES

The aroma of my words
What you perceive
When I speak
Sight of my letters
My works of art
What gladdens your heart
The most melodious song
One loves to hear
Never hurts the ear
Not even with the semblance of food
Yet it sumptuous taste on the tongue of the one who recites
Feels the stomach of our thoughts all night
And rejuvenates our mood
Armless,
It touches my soul and being
Revives my five senses
Only poetry is of such great appeal
On line eleven, it is supposed to be ''Yet its* sumptuous taste on the tongue of the one who recite''
User avatar
thaservices1
Posts: 630
Joined: 21 Apr 2018, 22:22
Favorite Book: Nightlord: Sunset
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 89
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-thaservices1.html
Latest Review: ChatGPT for Entrepreneurs by Steven A. Ridder

Post by thaservices1 »

I really enjoyed this one. A lot of interesting imagery.
"It is not the critic that counts..."
- Roosevelt
biscuits
Posts: 52
Joined: 16 Apr 2018, 03:46
Favorite Book: Life is an open secret
Currently Reading: How to win and influence people
Bookshelf Size: 19
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-biscuits.html
Latest Review: Trip to Adele by R I Alyaseer and A I Alyaseer

Post by biscuits »

thaservices1 wrote: 04 Jun 2018, 16:46 I really enjoyed this one. A lot of interesting imagery.
Thanks for reading. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
User avatar
palilogy
Posts: 477
Joined: 05 Jun 2018, 16:24
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 39
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-palilogy.html
Latest Review: Mistress Suffragette by Diana Forbes

Post by palilogy »

Interesting poem you have a real solid strength in these lines,
"What you perceive
When I speak"
I do think you should look into omitting repetition - too many my and our.
Post Reply

Return to “Creative Original Works: Poetry”