After Tears

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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Daniel-book
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After Tears

Post by Daniel-book »

When tears pour, a river on your face,
You are bound to end up with a soaked pillowcase,
A heart ripped apart,
Knees getting weak when loved one depart.

After tears, your heavy heart becomes lighter,
Your face shines brighter,
Frowns turn into smiles,
And divorce certificates become ordinary paper files!

After tears, you gather yourself up,
You pick up the broken pieces and fill the gap,
You wash the dry tears and apply sweet-smelling fragrance,
You step outside there and give yourself a second chance!

After tears, your spirits are high,
You walk briskly with springs on your feet as if you want to fly,
Your heart full of hopes like a Jew,
You step outside and walk a new!

After tears, don’t you become free?
You break away from the chains and move on with glee,
You form new relationships and create new bonds,
You swim freely like herrings in huge ponds!

After tears,
Your heart is cleansed,
Your clogged eyesight clears,
And a new journey has just commenced!
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sarahmarlowe
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Post by sarahmarlowe »

Nice!!!

I have only a few suggestions.

Since most of the stanzas start with "After tears," I think the first line would work with that as well.
After tears, a river on your face

I'm not sure what this line means: Your heart full of hopes like a Jew

And, in the last stanza, Do we have "clogged" eyesight? Maybe there's another word for that -- clouded, for instance?

Thank you for posting for all the world to see! Keep writing!
sarahmarlowe
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Sweetp120
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Post by Sweetp120 »

sarahmarlowe wrote: 20 Nov 2018, 20:51 Nice!!!

I have only a few suggestions.

Since most of the stanzas start with "After tears," I think the first line would work with that as well.
After tears, a river on your face

I'm not sure what this line means: Your heart full of hopes like a Jew

And, in the last stanza, Do we have "clogged" eyesight? Maybe there's another word for that -- clouded, for instance?

Thank you for posting for all the world to see! Keep writing!
I agree with the last two suggestions but not the first instead maybe i would have switched the first two sentences with the last two sentences of the first verse and here is why, because what comes before the tears and the stained pillowcases, heartache and loss. It would have made the flow of the poem a little more smooth considering the fact that had you wrote it the way i suggested you give your reason for the tears, you say what happens when you cry your tears, and then throughout the rest you explain the "After the tears" however it was still beautiful and heartfelt. Maybe even something i would share with my mother-In-law who recently went through a divorce with someone she loved deply, and i sit here seeing her live a similar story as what you portray here. Thank you for your courage to share.
MdNickez
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Post by MdNickez »

It's important that all the tears does not tear one out. The struggle must continue. A nice piece.
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Ekta Kumari
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Post by Ekta Kumari »

Very heart-touching piece. Really loved the fifth verse. Well done!
"Words dazzle and deceive because they are mimed by the face. But black words on a white page are the soul laid bare."

-Guy de Maupassant
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