Wandering Off

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
User avatar
ReyvrexQuestor Reyes
Previous Member of the Month
Posts: 2049
Joined: 28 Sep 2017, 07:38
Favorite Book: <a href="http://forums.onlinebookclub.org/shelve ... 5">Raven's Peak</a>
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 299
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-reyvrexquestor-reyes.html
Latest Review: Journey by Lindsay Schuster
Reading Device: 1400697484

Wandering Off

Post by ReyvrexQuestor Reyes »

Wandering Off

He was lost in reverie, walking aimlessly.
Then he saw a sign: 'You are entering Heaven'
But he was jolted to reality all of a sudden,
Stones have started falling like Hell.

Out of habit, or plain inquisitiveness
He noted where the stones are coming from
And started towards that direction.
And he came to a boundary sign: 'Hell'

And surely enough, he saw some devils.
And the cartload of stones that they pushed.
'So this is where the stones are coming, eh? '
He shouted to one devil, with some reproach.

'But we have to eat, sir' the devil answered.
'You mean eat these stones? ' he countered.
'No sir.' said the devil. 'We throw these stones
to the other side and they come back as bread.'
"In the beginning was the word.........John 1:1"
...To delineate the times that lovers miss,
...A thousand dreams can't beat a single kiss.

-reyvrex (Love Sonnet 107)
User avatar
Libs_Books
Posts: 755
Joined: 13 Feb 2018, 12:54
Favorite Book: The year of the flood
Currently Reading: Mason Dixon
Bookshelf Size: 273
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-libs-books.html
Latest Review: Dont Panic Its Organic by Dr. Andy Lopez

Post by Libs_Books »

That's extraordinary! I really like the concept.
User avatar
Lincolnshirelass
Previous Member of the Month
Posts: 1509
Joined: 30 Oct 2017, 04:36
Bookshelf Size: 0

Post by Lincolnshirelass »

Hi, Revyrex, I see your thoughts, like mine, are wending towards the hereafter ... and I think that was a lovely and thought-provoking poem. I am also reminded of a Chinese legend I once read - basically, a man goes to hell, and discovers there are the most delicious meals imaginable, but the chopsticks are far too long to use - the old notion of being tantalised. Then he goes to heaven and discovers the same chopsticks, and is told 'but here we feed each other'. Of course, my practical side says, they could've used their fingers! But allegorically it's a good point, though distracting from your poem, which will certainly lodge in my mind.
An Eye for an Eye only ends up making the whole world blind.

Mahatma Gandhi
User avatar
desantismt_17
Posts: 459
Joined: 19 Mar 2018, 08:56
Currently Reading: When Angels Play Poker
Bookshelf Size: 1313
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-desantismt-17.html
Latest Review: Sasquatch Did It! by Patricia Komar

Post by desantismt_17 »

Wow, that did not go in anywhere near the direction I thought it would. Very thought-provoking. Thanks for sharing.
User avatar
ReyvrexQuestor Reyes
Previous Member of the Month
Posts: 2049
Joined: 28 Sep 2017, 07:38
Favorite Book: <a href="http://forums.onlinebookclub.org/shelve ... 5">Raven's Peak</a>
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 299
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-reyvrexquestor-reyes.html
Latest Review: Journey by Lindsay Schuster
Reading Device: 1400697484

Post by ReyvrexQuestor Reyes »

Libs_Books wrote: 28 Mar 2018, 00:53 That's extraordinary! I really like the concept.
Thanks, just glad that you liked it.
"In the beginning was the word.........John 1:1"
...To delineate the times that lovers miss,
...A thousand dreams can't beat a single kiss.

-reyvrex (Love Sonnet 107)
User avatar
Radex316
Posts: 1
Joined: 29 Apr 2018, 17:54
Bookshelf Size: 0

Post by Radex316 »

It has a great theme, but it lacks any real poetic edge. Perhaps it should have been more appropriate presenting this as an anecdote.
User avatar
DATo
Previous Member of the Month
Posts: 5796
Joined: 31 Dec 2011, 07:54
Bookshelf Size: 0

Post by DATo »

Loved the twist! [:- )
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
― Steven Wright
User avatar
ReyvrexQuestor Reyes
Previous Member of the Month
Posts: 2049
Joined: 28 Sep 2017, 07:38
Favorite Book: <a href="http://forums.onlinebookclub.org/shelve ... 5">Raven's Peak</a>
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 299
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-reyvrexquestor-reyes.html
Latest Review: Journey by Lindsay Schuster
Reading Device: 1400697484

Post by ReyvrexQuestor Reyes »

Radex316 wrote: 29 Apr 2018, 18:11 It has a great theme, but it lacks any real poetic edge. Perhaps it should have been more appropriate presenting this as an anecdote.
I agree. And I foresee it won't look well being rhymed.
"In the beginning was the word.........John 1:1"
...To delineate the times that lovers miss,
...A thousand dreams can't beat a single kiss.

-reyvrex (Love Sonnet 107)
User avatar
ReyvrexQuestor Reyes
Previous Member of the Month
Posts: 2049
Joined: 28 Sep 2017, 07:38
Favorite Book: <a href="http://forums.onlinebookclub.org/shelve ... 5">Raven's Peak</a>
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 299
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-reyvrexquestor-reyes.html
Latest Review: Journey by Lindsay Schuster
Reading Device: 1400697484

Post by ReyvrexQuestor Reyes »

DATo wrote: 30 Apr 2018, 00:52 Loved the twist! [:- )

Thanks, buddy.
"In the beginning was the word.........John 1:1"
...To delineate the times that lovers miss,
...A thousand dreams can't beat a single kiss.

-reyvrex (Love Sonnet 107)
User avatar
ReyvrexQuestor Reyes
Previous Member of the Month
Posts: 2049
Joined: 28 Sep 2017, 07:38
Favorite Book: <a href="http://forums.onlinebookclub.org/shelve ... 5">Raven's Peak</a>
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 299
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-reyvrexquestor-reyes.html
Latest Review: Journey by Lindsay Schuster
Reading Device: 1400697484

Post by ReyvrexQuestor Reyes »

desantismt_17 wrote: 28 Mar 2018, 08:13 Wow, that did not go in anywhere near the direction I thought it would. Very thought-provoking. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for commenting. I thought it would look like I snubbed you not having acknowledged your comment when those of the others I had.
"In the beginning was the word.........John 1:1"
...To delineate the times that lovers miss,
...A thousand dreams can't beat a single kiss.

-reyvrex (Love Sonnet 107)
User avatar
Samwisekoop
Posts: 266
Joined: 16 Apr 2020, 15:24
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 41
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-samwisekoop.html
Latest Review: Perfection and Other Illusive Things by J Mercer

Post by Samwisekoop »

Was it just me...or was the ending kinda funny?! Was it meant to be humorous? Either way, I really liked the whole thing. I especially liked the third stanza. Well done! May I ask what provoked this poem?
"Even the smallest person can change the course of the future." - Galadriel
User avatar
ReyvrexQuestor Reyes
Previous Member of the Month
Posts: 2049
Joined: 28 Sep 2017, 07:38
Favorite Book: <a href="http://forums.onlinebookclub.org/shelve ... 5">Raven's Peak</a>
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 299
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-reyvrexquestor-reyes.html
Latest Review: Journey by Lindsay Schuster
Reading Device: 1400697484

Post by ReyvrexQuestor Reyes »

Samwisekoop wrote: 01 Jul 2020, 11:42 Was it just me...or was the ending kinda funny?! Was it meant to be humorous? Either way, I really liked the whole thing. I especially liked the third stanza. Well done! May I ask what provoked this poem?
I could not remember the verse and article number, but I think it's in the Sermon on the Mount.
Jesus admonished the believers that "if someone throws stones at you, you must throw back in return bread." Thanks for commenting.
"In the beginning was the word.........John 1:1"
...To delineate the times that lovers miss,
...A thousand dreams can't beat a single kiss.

-reyvrex (Love Sonnet 107)
User avatar
ReyvrexQuestor Reyes
Previous Member of the Month
Posts: 2049
Joined: 28 Sep 2017, 07:38
Favorite Book: <a href="http://forums.onlinebookclub.org/shelve ... 5">Raven's Peak</a>
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 299
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-reyvrexquestor-reyes.html
Latest Review: Journey by Lindsay Schuster
Reading Device: 1400697484

Post by ReyvrexQuestor Reyes »

Samwisekoop wrote: 01 Jul 2020, 11:42 Was it just me...or was the ending kinda funny?! Was it meant to be humorous? Either way, I really liked the whole thing. I especially liked the third stanza. Well done! May I ask what provoked this poem?
But you know, in a deeper sense, I intended for this poem to be a lampoon of poetry. In painting, after all the masterpieces of the masters, circa the Renaissance period, there arose in Europe a movement called "Dadaism" which is a painting style in total disregard of the painters' discipline. Imagine painting in contrast to the way Da Vinci or Michelangelo painted. To get the idea of what I meant, see the paintings of "Abstract" artists. Salvador Dali and Pablo Picasso were also along these lines of the heretical style of painting depicting scenes far removed from reality. And back to poetry. I wrote just ordinary prose and pass it off as poetry. See what I mean? That's why we have now free verse, and you will be appalled sometimes of seeing whole paragraphs of writing as poems. Alas, the rhymes are being killed, as a new style, or just failure to rhyme?
"In the beginning was the word.........John 1:1"
...To delineate the times that lovers miss,
...A thousand dreams can't beat a single kiss.

-reyvrex (Love Sonnet 107)
User avatar
Samwisekoop
Posts: 266
Joined: 16 Apr 2020, 15:24
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 41
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-samwisekoop.html
Latest Review: Perfection and Other Illusive Things by J Mercer

Post by Samwisekoop »

ReyvrexQuestor Reyes wrote: 02 Jul 2020, 02:50
Samwisekoop wrote: 01 Jul 2020, 11:42 Was it just me...or was the ending kinda funny?! Was it meant to be humorous? Either way, I really liked the whole thing. I especially liked the third stanza. Well done! May I ask what provoked this poem?
I could not remember the verse and article number, but I think it's in the Sermon on the Mount.
Jesus admonished the believers that "if someone throws stones at you, you must throw back in return bread." Thanks for commenting.
Oh, okay! So its like a "heaping coals onto someone's head" kind of thing?
"Even the smallest person can change the course of the future." - Galadriel
User avatar
Samwisekoop
Posts: 266
Joined: 16 Apr 2020, 15:24
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 41
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-samwisekoop.html
Latest Review: Perfection and Other Illusive Things by J Mercer

Post by Samwisekoop »

ReyvrexQuestor Reyes wrote: 02 Jul 2020, 03:05
Samwisekoop wrote: 01 Jul 2020, 11:42 Was it just me...or was the ending kinda funny?! Was it meant to be humorous? Either way, I really liked the whole thing. I especially liked the third stanza. Well done! May I ask what provoked this poem?
But you know, in a deeper sense, I intended for this poem to be a lampoon of poetry. In painting, after all the masterpieces of the masters, circa the Renaissance period, there arose in Europe a movement called "Dadaism" which is a painting style in total disregard of the painters' discipline. Imagine painting in contrast to the way Da Vinci or Michelangelo painted. To get the idea of what I meant, see the paintings of "Abstract" artists. Salvador Dali and Pablo Picasso were also along these lines of the heretical style of painting depicting scenes far removed from reality. And back to poetry. I wrote just ordinary prose and pass it off as poetry. See what I mean? That's why we have now free verse, and you will be appalled sometimes of seeing whole paragraphs of writing as poems. Alas, the rhymes are being killed, as a new style, or just failure to rhyme?
Oh! Okay, I get it. But, I still liked the prose-like writings you posted, even if they are different. It is refreshing to have lots of different kinds of poetry, just like there are many forms of art. Btw, what do you mean by the last question?
"Even the smallest person can change the course of the future." - Galadriel
Post Reply

Return to “Creative Original Works: Poetry”