The House that Once was Mine

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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Lincolnshirelass
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The House that Once was Mine

Post by Lincolnshirelass »

I have to pass it. Not each day, nor week,
but can't avoid it, can't eschew it totally,
and then that feeling, warm, yet bleak
seeps, sinks and sidles into me,
and I cannot find what I seek,
cannot be what I used to be
and I cannot pass through that door,
it is not my house anymore.

Reasons for leaving it were sound,
it was too large, and money short,
weeds and moss sapping the ground,
so it was sensible, I thought,
Too many rooms cluttered around
with things I never should have bought,
chipped and flaked and over-grown
too much for one person alone.

And with the moss grew memories
and with the weeds flourished regret,
and I was feeling trapped by these,
and wanted to escape and yet,
with trickling tears and pointless pleas
I know that I cannot forget,
and not all memories are good,
but still this house is in my blood.

It's looking very different now,
it has been aired and has been tamed,
not like the house I used to know,
where mess, for sure, but MY mess reigned,
it has been sanitised, somehow,
and some would say much has been gained,
now it is neat, and good to see,
and lived in by a family.

But if I ever could defy
time's arrow, and once more decide,
and bring back days and years gone by,
and own that house, and walk inside,
and see it with the future's eye,
would I, joyful, gleaming-eyed,
make it mine again, rejoice?
I suppose I'd fear the choice.
An Eye for an Eye only ends up making the whole world blind.

Mahatma Gandhi
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Libs_Books
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Post by Libs_Books »

That's a very touching poem. It reminds me of the house I grew up in - that was demolished, and I no longer live in the same town anyway, but I still dream about it occasionally. It was my parents who made the choice to leave, but it sounds as though you had to make this call. I love the way you explore a complex response to that tugging at the heart-strings.
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DATo
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Post by DATo »

Absolutely great Lassie! I loved it. I also understand the symbolism and I have to agree with it completely.

"So many things I would have done, but clouds got in my way." - Joni Mitchel

Very nice effort!
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
― Steven Wright
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Kvapil
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Post by Kvapil »

I really liked this poem and all the wonderful devices you used. My favorite was especially the repetition of consonants. I think that works really well with this idea and you should include more of it. You kind of lost steam in the second to last stanza. Remember that you shouldn’t sacrifice the sanctity of the poem for just an end rhyme.
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