From The Girl That Left

[qsusan]

From The Girl That Left
I try to say I am me
But to you it seems I am Barbie
A little less prettier
A little bit shorter
Hair not as blond
Eyelashes not as long
A maiden trapped in a lair

To you I must be Barbie
Mistaken as the betrayer
A beautiful heroine
That leaves to save her lover
Making the altruistic choice
Hurt princess faking her poise
With heavy feet she walks away
Hiding the tears that say nay

To you I must be Barbie
Tho’ I selfishly chose to stab thee
Leaving for my own interests
No matter your protests
But you, still chasing, still believing
These decisions were for thee
Still searching, still waiting
In your eyes I must be Barbie

A little bit smarter
A little less dumber
My blond hair streaked with rose
Skin a touch of bronze
A maiden who dares
But tho’ I scream I am me
To you it seems, I must be Barbie

[Libs_Books]

There are intriguing hints of a story behind the poem, and also hints of timelessness with the use of words such as 'maiden' and 'princess' (though I'm not so sure about the use of 'thee'). I like the use of repetition with some variation: " I am Barbie... I must be Barbie", particularly at the start and the end. Good job.

[Kvapil]

The use of repetition was good, I just wish you had kept up the metaphor of being Barbie longer. Even in a convoluted way, you could twist around some sentences and give it more of an artisic feel with just some similes about plastic skin or something. Also, the whole thing feels way too polite. And too proper. Are you mad or are you sad or are you content? I can’t tell.

[qsusan]

The use of repetition was good, I just wish you had kept up the metaphor of being Barbie longer. Even in a convoluted way, you could twist around some sentences and give it more of an artisic feel with just some similes about plastic skin or something. Also, the whole thing feels way too polite. And too proper. Are you mad or are you sad or are you content? I can’t tell.

It is polite. She isn't mad just a little sad that despite what she does or says he cant seem to see her for who she is. She's saying, "I'm not as nice or altruistic or angelic as the girl in your imagination, but why can't you see me as me."

[DATo]

I like your poem, especially what it implies. When people fall in love they see the object of their love as an ideal and not the flesh and blood person standing before them. They are often really not in love with the person but rather in love with Love itself. Though many poems are written by confused lovers few are written by the frustrated recipients of that love who only want to be seen as the people they really are. You captured the essence of this idea very well.

The "Barbie" repetition works to a certain point by reinforcing the concept of an object rather than a person, but it teeters on the brink of being overused. Other than that ... very nice poem!