You

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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the_word_alchemist
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You

Post by the_word_alchemist » 31 Jan 2018, 02:24

You are an escape moving forward. Without fears. You are my calm and my will to resist. And a boat trip within the lines drawn in your hands. You are the mystery from the terror tales. And that life bloom from a little empty day. You are like the first coffee sip in the morning. And like the unexpected kiss. You are. You are all I know I ever could have. You are what I never wanted to want. And that’s why, you are what I want.

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Carissa Myung
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Post by Carissa Myung » 08 Mar 2018, 20:34

The title "You" is a simple hook that definitely drew me in! Perhaps I'm just greedy, but I do wish this poem was longer. On the other hand, I love the parallelism of the metaphor or simile followed by a fragment. The aforementioned literary device(s) appealed to only one sense, and I craved for an expansion of senses for "the first coffee sip in the morning." Did it taste bitter as a reality check often inflicts, or did it awaken all of the senses---as this poem does piece by piece?

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S_1991
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Post by S_1991 » 05 Apr 2018, 23:15

It was lovely. I think it could've been more... loved all of it until i reached "You are." It's just short and seemed very detailed at the beginning. As soon as you're getting into it you end it as soon as it was getting good.. :]

L-Bro
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Post by L-Bro » 06 Apr 2018, 20:35

I stood in a kitchen with my work uniform on and reviewed a poem that was just as captivating as the, "You". More details could make the poem even more captivating or less appalling. The poem does bring a tear to my eye and probably could others.

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