Just here

[Jjeffords96]

I've been just here for 14 years 6 months and a hand full of days.
I've been just here for criticism.
I've been just here for abuse.
I've been just here to clean.
I've been just here to fall in love with my first, second, third and fourth child.
I've been just here to have more love inside my heart then I thought possible.
I've been just here to try to smile at my children when my ears won't stop hearing his words.
I've been just here trying to make time go faster while wishing it would slow down so my kids would stay this age.
I've been just here living in hell.
I've been just here wishing he was gone when he's here.
I've been just here wasting time counting the precious free hours until he is home.
No one knows that when I'm just here I'm wishing to be with my kids at a place of my own without him and panicking at the knowledge that one day I won't be just here when my children need me.
They will adjust if my heart gives out.
They will adjust because he tells them that there mom is just here, your mom is a pathetic loser who's too stupid to be breathing.
I've been just here to give my kids unconditional love so they know what it feels like when someone just is there to love and care for them without conditions.
I'm just here because God unconditionally loved me enough to not let me understand how to love differently.
My stupid, simple mind is just here because I only know how to love my children and to try to take hurt and pain away.
I'm just here because they need me.
I'm just here because my can't family tell that it's physically killing me to not have my own life without him.
I'm just here because for the first time in my life I can't support myself financially.
I'm just here trying but knowing I am failing.
I'm just here.