- Posts: 10
- Joined: 10 Jan 2018, 06:20
- 2018 Reading Goal: 30
- 2017 Reading Goal: 0
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- Location: South Africa
love, faith and gratitude.
Your world is knives, guns,
blood and attitude.
I roll with scriptures
and messages of old,
people who lived
and the stories they told.
You roll with wild music,
fancy cars and expensive clothes.
You roll with silver, diamonds
and every kind of gold.
You claim you no longer live that life,
you say it's sold.
But I think you're a lost sheep,
and not of this fold.
- Posts: 389
- Joined: 07 Jan 2018, 20:30
- 2018 Reading Goal: 50
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- Favorite Book: <a href="http://forums.onlinebookclub.org/shelve ... 46410">The Wendy</a>
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- Latest Review: Samuel by Samuel kidstar
Your poem has a really brilliant start and is almost musical in quality. I think you kind of lose your rhythm a bit in the third and fourth stanza in part due to the fact that your rhyme remains the same (old, told, gold, fold) and also because your line lengths varied in an unmatched way, but it's still really good.
- ReyvrexQuestor Reyes
- Posts: 910
- Joined: 28 Sep 2017, 07:38
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- Latest Review: Heartaches 2 by H.M. Irwing
- Location: Central District, State of Reverie
Emotions are what make the poem going, or rather, the poet going. Keep on writing.
- Posts: 717
- Joined: 13 Feb 2018, 12:54
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