Cold Empty Sadness

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
Post Reply
User avatar
johappy
Posts: 84
Joined: 14 Jun 2015, 18:34
Favorite Book: <a href="http://forums.onlinebookclub.org/shelve ... Matched</a>
Currently Reading: Into Thin Air
Bookshelf Size: 99
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-johappy.html
Latest Review: Solaris Seethes (Solaris Saga book 1) by Janet McNulty
Reading Device: B00HCNHDN0

Cold Empty Sadness

Post by johappy »

Do you ever miss someone so much

That you crave for their smile and you long for the touch

Of their hand on your hand, when all is okay

All you want is to see them for a day

You want at the very least to see their smile

Even better, to stay and talk for a while

When you're apart it feels like cold empty sadness

The sight of their face would give you pure gladness

Have you ever needed someone so much

That the pain of separation is simply not just

You need, just sometimes, to look into their eyes

Only when they're away do you realize

Just how much you need them, and every day apart

Is a knife in the gut, like a blow to the heart

You wonder if knowing them is worth all the pain

With all the melancholy, how can you stay sane?

But you realize without them, you wouldn't know the happiness

Of the feelings they make you feel, the stupid lovely sappiness

You realize you're stuck now; you need them with your all

And just to have them, you'd go through the withdrawal

Of that cold empty sadness, never seeing them enough

With all those conflicting feelings, isn't life rough?
User avatar
JuliaKay
Posts: 506
Joined: 19 Oct 2017, 03:26
Currently Reading: The Black Witch
Bookshelf Size: 56
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-juliakay.html
Latest Review: I Am Not Gog by Matthew James Hunt

Post by JuliaKay »

This is a beautiful poem. I am felt cold empty sadness and experienced the longing described. I think this poem would be more potent if it did not rhyme. :)
User avatar
johappy
Posts: 84
Joined: 14 Jun 2015, 18:34
Favorite Book: <a href="http://forums.onlinebookclub.org/shelve ... Matched</a>
Currently Reading: Into Thin Air
Bookshelf Size: 99
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-johappy.html
Latest Review: Solaris Seethes (Solaris Saga book 1) by Janet McNulty
Reading Device: B00HCNHDN0

Post by johappy »

Thanks for your feedback! I happen to have written several poems that do not rhyme, and I agree that they seem more powerful that way. My wattpad readers tend to like the ones that rhyme the most. :D
Post Reply

Return to “Creative Original Works: Poetry”