The cry of the victims

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
Post Reply
User avatar
Eniefiok
Posts: 33
Joined: 14 Oct 2017, 22:28
Currently Reading: And Then I Met Margaret
Bookshelf Size: 27

The cry of the victims

Post by Eniefiok »

They say we are the ones to lead the future but we are been crushed by the ones who tend to wish us well.
They seem to nurture us like precious gold but later cut us down like thorns in the midst of roses.
They say we are princes and princesses of the future but we work as if we are slaves of the past.
Then how well are their wishes for us?
Oh! What will become of us in the nearest future?
Nothing but destruction and misery.

Strange people from far and near, strange people both dark and fair
Come into our homes and take our source of strength.
Stroked and beaten, with great pain she does jobs that are forbidden
Stroked beaten and smitten in shame, she cries out with the voice of sorrowful song.
She cries for help but no one seems to come to her rescue
Oh! What will become of us in the nearest future?
Nothing but destruction and misery.

If then their well wishes are made so well
If then everyone is treated like roses and not like thorns
If then our mothers the sources of our strength are
Treated like precious gold that they are
If then our cry are being heard and people came to our rescue
What then do you think will become of us in the future?
User avatar
Salman Waheed
Posts: 12
Joined: 09 Oct 2017, 04:45
Bookshelf Size: 40
Reading Device: B00JG8GOWU

Post by Salman Waheed »

That's some purposeful refined poetry...loved it
User avatar
Eniefiok
Posts: 33
Joined: 14 Oct 2017, 22:28
Currently Reading: And Then I Met Margaret
Bookshelf Size: 27

Post by Eniefiok »

Actually I wrote the poem because of the rate of child labor and human trafficking in my country.
Njengnjoro
Posts: 38
Joined: 30 Oct 2017, 04:21
Bookshelf Size: 29

Post by Njengnjoro »

I like these themes, good job.
User avatar
Eniefiok
Posts: 33
Joined: 14 Oct 2017, 22:28
Currently Reading: And Then I Met Margaret
Bookshelf Size: 27

Post by Eniefiok »

Thank you
User avatar
Kat Berg
Posts: 776
Joined: 05 Oct 2017, 22:29
Favorite Book: <a href="http://forums.onlinebookclub.org/shelve ... 5">Raven's Peak</a>
Currently Reading: James Baldwin
Bookshelf Size: 223
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-kat-berg.html
Latest Review: Why Am I Here by Melvin Bell
Reading Device: B00JG8GOWU

Post by Kat Berg »

It is always difficult for me to comment on poetry, as it makes it somehow less. There is something about it that is distinctly meant for reflection over discussion. Lovely and heartbreaking.
User avatar
DATo
Previous Member of the Month
Posts: 5796
Joined: 31 Dec 2011, 07:54
Bookshelf Size: 0

Post by DATo »

Powerful and evocative poem. Very well written. Some of the English grammar is incorrect but this only adds to the poem rather than diminishes it by aiding the English language reader to understand that this is written in a foreign land.

My compliments on a very nice piece of writing.
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
― Steven Wright
User avatar
Lincolnshirelass
Previous Member of the Month
Posts: 1509
Joined: 30 Oct 2017, 04:36
Bookshelf Size: 0

Post by Lincolnshirelass »

Very powerful. It also reads allowed beautifully, with the air of an incantation.
An Eye for an Eye only ends up making the whole world blind.

Mahatma Gandhi
User avatar
Eniefiok
Posts: 33
Joined: 14 Oct 2017, 22:28
Currently Reading: And Then I Met Margaret
Bookshelf Size: 27

Post by Eniefiok »

I guess it is not bad for my first poem.
Post Reply

Return to “Creative Original Works: Poetry”