On Sin

[ANDREW MBAGO]

When i walk in darkness,nobody sees me clearly
Because the dirty linen i wear are covered by the darkness.
But when i stumble my toe nails,everybody see me openly
Because the pain i feel airs my dirty linen publicly.

[Mashell Chapeyama]

Ok Good, poetic.I hope you would bring concreteness in the poem though.

[ANDREW MBAGO]

Thank Mashell for reading my poem.What are your thoughts on the theme? Are the structure and punctuation okay based on your reading assessments?I really value your comments.

Keep reading!

[Mashell Chapeyama]

Trust me, the form the structure and flow of the poem is good. I think your poem is talking about darkness and stumbling but I could take it as symbolizing something else, which is good.

[ANDREW MBAGO]

Darkness symbolizes things done in secret.Dirty linen -bad/evil deeds.Stumbling- wages of evil deeds.Your take Mashell on the light i have shed on the theme?What do you suggest i should add to the poem to make it more concrete.

[Vivian Paschal]

It's quite short with a good message. I think the title works fine because it is a straightforward statement on the theme as a whole. However, I don't quite understand how people can see the persona openly when he stumbles, because you didn't mention him stepping into the light at all. Maybe a little adjustment will work. Keep writing!

[ANDREW MBAGO]

Thank you Vivian for your thoughts on the poem. I highly value them.The persona can openly be seen when the things s/he has done secretly are exposed.

Keep reading!