Colorful creation

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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Jaime Lync
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Colorful creation

Post by Jaime Lync »

grassy green pastures,
brown skin pastor
singing rhythm and blues
about the crimson red flow
that makes me and you
white as snow

snow, fades as it melts
but the sky is left
with a colorful belt
that reminds us that this green earth
will not drown in muddy brown waters

let's sing the rhythm and blues
about the crimson red flow
that makes me and you
white as snow
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DATo
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Post by DATo »

WOW! Excellent poem.

I don't know what your intent was but I interpret the first three lines literally as a black pastor preaching in a rural area. The "singing in rhythm and blues" draws me to the idea of a Baptist minister. He is singing about the "red flow" which I can only interpret as the blood which makes all men the same.

"Snow fades as it melts" to me means that the red blood which makes us all the same ("white as snow") is eventually going to die (melt) and all men merge in one stream of faded memory after death, but this water is not muddy brown but elevated to a new level of being in the water's reflected blue from the sky (we go from being human to something which transcends flesh and blood and becomes spiritual).

The final stanza asks us all to join in a song of recognition that we are all part of the "crimson red flow" that makes us all the same = brothers and sisters.

Am I close to being right?

I like the way you actually used color words: red, green, blue (implied), crimson, white, brown as a feature within your poem to accent the underlying theme.

Nice job! No, I'll go further than that. This is as good as any recognized poet's poem that I've read in a long time.
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
― Steven Wright
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Jaime Lync
Posts: 1426
Joined: 15 Mar 2017, 19:33
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 120
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-jaime-lync.html
Latest Review: You Are A Christian. NOW WHAT? by James Rondinone

Post by Jaime Lync »

Wow. I am honoured by such a grand compliment. Your interpretation is on point with my mentality when I was writing this poem but I doubt I could have explained it as clear as you did in your analysis. I am always elated to find out that readers enjoy my poetry, especially when I put a message of unity and hope into it.
Once again, glad you liked it.
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Jessiebessie123
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Post by Jessiebessie123 »

Wow reminds me of the Poccohontis song colours of the wind.
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