Last night, I dreamt I was a butterfly...

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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Scott
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Last night, I dreamt I was a butterfly...

Post by Scott »

This is my newest poem. Good or bad, please do let me know what you think! :D


Last night, I dreamt I was a butterfly
Flying high through a sweet blue sky
Feeling all the Heat of the sun
In the warmth within my wings
And as I soared, up and down
I soared by a crying man
But he wasn't a man
He was a boy
Wrestling feelings and desires
For the other boys
Wrestling shame and wrestling guilt
And from the parents of blood and bone
Who sent him far away
He had nothing, nothing at all to say
But with tears in his eyes he screamed to the sky
Asking, God, oh God, oh why?
Why did you make me this way?
Am I mistake?
Please let me know
Please send me a sign
Tell me you love me
Tell me I'm not a mistake

I didn't hear anything
Not in the clouds
Not in the rain
But I think if God could talk
God would say
I love you
You're not a mistake
One day I'll take this pain away
But not yet. Not yet.
I don't make mistakes.
And you're not one.

I dreamt I was a wayward ant
Marching down the road
As the cars flew by overhead
I kept marching toward my nose
And as I marched and marched some more
I marched right by a girl
Sitting all alone
Sitting by the road
And as I marched, I marched right by her toes
And as I marched some more,
I heard the poor girl moan
She said she was so afraid,
So afraid to go home
For some, pretty is a curse,
and the wrong home makes pretty worse,
And so a victim blames herself.
She cried down into her hands,
Her teary eyes pointing to the ground,
Crying, God, oh God, oh why?
Why did you make me this way
Am I mistake?
Please let me know
Please send me a sign
Tell me you love me
Tell me I'm not a mistake

I didn't hear anything
Not in the clouds
Not in the rain
But I think if God could talk
God would say
I love you
You're not a mistake
One day I'll take this pain away
But not yet. Not yet.
I don't make mistakes.
And you're not one.





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"That virtue we appreciate is as much ours as another's. We see so much only as we possess." - Henry David Thoreau

"Non ignara mali miseris succurrere disco." Virgil, The Aeneid
Cristina Corui Mihailescu
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Post by Cristina Corui Mihailescu »

As I was reading, images passed in front of my eyes. Well done, Scott! The poem has powerful images, a great choice of words ( the warmth within my wings...) and the stanza that repeats underlines the theme: we are all the same under the sun.
As a teacher, I will dare to criticise your second line, which seems to be from the lyrics of any song. Blank verse is modern, do not strive to create a rhyme by all means.
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Post by MCLorbiecke »

This was moving. Thank you so much for sharing.
-Marita
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Ganizani Timothy
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Post by Ganizani Timothy »

Wow this is great poem and educative. Thanks Scott. This poem has an imagery of life situation on earth. There are times in our lives when we are overwhelmed and we reach at a point of asking ourselves like " is God's promises will come about?" Why is this happening to me? I am I wrong? We at sometimes upset when things aren't working in our lives like our career, dreams , marriages , relationships and whatever it may be. And at this point you know trusting God is really hard "you may agree with me if it ever happened in your life, eventually you begin to think like God has forsaken you, NO!. Whatever God allows to happen in our lives it's because He loves us. He wants us to grow and we still need to believe Him that He won't change His promises for us, He will fulfill them, He is faithful and does not change. God is not surprised when things in our lives seems upset. Remember His plan for our future. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you " declares the Lord", plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
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Post by Surabhi Rani »

The expression at the beginning of the poem is exquisite! It has a theme to explore. Also, I loved the expressions, 'Please send me a sign,' and 'One day I will take this pain away But not yet. Not yet.' in the above poem!
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Post by Fareed Regal »

I liked the poem and enjoyed reading it. It is one of those pieces that you can tuck away somewhere and take out to read when you are feeling sad, filled with despair etc. as it will give you hope and strengthen your trust in God. Well Done!
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Post by Dattatraya »

:techie-studyingbrown:

It so happens!
It's temporary not long lasting!
He or she has to be strong by mind, by body.
Time is the moderator!
Everything will be smooth and fine!

Very good dreams and very good imagination!

:techie-studyingbrown:
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A gilly2go
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Post by A gilly2go »

I really like this poem. So many of us are outside the rigid norms of the culture we live in and it leaves up in doubt as to our own value as a human being. It’s a psychological hurt but it hurts in our bodies as well. Thanks
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Moddesser Elahi
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Post by Moddesser Elahi »

This poem is soothing and also filled with positive vibes. I love this!
PANACEA - Please do not overvalue your body and mind! Just be life! :dance:
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sanjeev maurya
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Post by sanjeev maurya »

Your poem captures the essence of human vulnerability and the quest for validation in a beautifully emotive manner. The imagery of transforming into a butterfly, soaring high, feeling the warmth of the sun, only to encounter the anguish of others, paints a vivid emotional landscape. Each stanza intricately weaves a story of personal struggle, questioning identity, and seeking acceptance, invoking empathy and understanding.

The juxtaposition of the crying boy grappling with his inner turmoil and the girl wrestling with societal perceptions of beauty creates a poignant contrast, reflecting the diverse challenges individuals face in their journeys toward self-acceptance. The yearning for reassurance and a sign of love from a higher power adds a layer of depth and longing, resonating with the universal desire for affirmation and understanding.

Your poem beautifully encapsulates the complexities of the human experience, stirring emotions and provoking reflection. The raw emotion and powerful imagery make it a compelling piece that invites readers to contemplate life's intricate tapestry of struggles, self-discovery, and the pursuit of belonging and love. Your ability to convey such depth and emotion through poetry is truly commendable.
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