Rough, warm and gentle

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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Eloa02
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Rough, warm and gentle

Post by Eloa02 »

Rough, warm and gentle,
Your hands cover mine like a mantle.
Our knees touching, an innocent manner.
I told you a story, you gave me your laughter.

Rough, warm and gentle,
How your voice told me with no denial,
We were young, naïve and clueless
But you said your feelings for me were honest

Rough, warm and gentle,
The experience that left me in a dazzle.
We grew closer, apart and then closer again.
I was oblivious of what will happen then.

Rough, warm and gentle,
Like this summer rain in April.
It's been years since the last we saw each other.
But I still feel the love we shared together.
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NatasjaGrey12
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Post by NatasjaGrey12 »

The third lines in the first and second stanza make the speaker seem like a pedophile. This, combined with the juxtaposition of "rough" and "gentle" majorly detracts from the poem, as it no longer reads as the innocent first love that I believe the author was aiming for. (lets not even get into how creepy the repetition of "warm" is when viewed in this context.)
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John Owen
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Post by John Owen »

Rough warm and gentle,
And I want your arms around me,
In a deep intimate embrace.

Wonderful piece!
Harmony in chaos. It's all a matter of perspective.
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