Death I Love you

[ANDREW MBAGO]

Though people say you're a witch
Though people say you're a thief
Though people sorrow and mourn
When you visit them unexpectedly
I still find no good reason really
Just to join them blindly and blame you
For death i really love you.

Though some people are hungry
Though some people are angry
Though some people are powerful
Though some people are powerless
You sincerely treat them equally
For death i dearly love you.

Though some live in opulence
Though some live in penury
You honestly treat them the same
You don't take bribes from mankind
Purposely to spare their dear lives
For death i dearly love you.

Lawyers strongly defend criminals in courts
And sadly neglect poor victims
Whose rights have been abused and violated
Just because of money,nothing else
But death you favor none in your verdicts
Death i dearly love you.

Judges pass wrong verdicts
To favor the rich and powerful elites
Just because of money,nothing else
But death you pass your verdict fairly
For death i dearly love you.

In a lake where fish live
Big fish use vilest means to obtain power
And vilest means to retain power
But death that concerns you not
For death i dearly love you.

[Manang Muyang]

I think the poem will work better if the last line of the stanzas will be the same and then make that line your title. The title Death I Love You would work for this purpose.

Of course, I am no expert and those are just my thoughts.

[ANDREW MBAGO]

Thank you Miriam for your thoughts on the poem.I absolutely agree with your suggestions and i will change the last stanzas.What are your thoughts on theme and structure?

[Manang Muyang]

I agree that death is the great equalizer. No one can defy it, postpone it, hurry it. Even suicides depend on death's imprimatur.

I believe in free choice in format and structure. But I am curious why one stanza has seven lines, others six, others five. What do you think of this idea: first stanza 7 lines, next one 6 and so on with the seventh stanza just one line, the title. Seven is a number signifying perfection (life), the diminishing number of lines could denote life ebbing away, then the last stanza would symbolize the end or death.

Again, just my thoughts.

Keep writing those verses too!

[ANDREW MBAGO]

Thank you Miriam once again for your thoughts and constructive comments on the poem.I will re-write the verses before considering submitting the poem for publication.Your general understanding of the message is vividly conveyed and portrayed.

Thank you so much Miriam and keep on writing!

[Manang Muyang]

My pleasure. I hope to post one of my amateur attempts at poetry soon.

Long live poets!