The innocent one

[Wekesa Nekesa Annah]

Long ago there was a girl who lived with her step - mother and her half-sister. Her step-mother never liked her, and she blamed her for everything, even though she was not guilty of anything, her half-sister always made fun of her.
One day the step-mother decided that she was going to poison the food and leave it there and the one who will still the food would definitely die. And she did as she had planned. Unfortunately her own daughter was the one who used to still everything in the house and as usual she stall the food and died on the spot. And that's when that horrible woman realised that she was wrong and the other girl was innocent

[Mariphia]

I love the idea of this story. I suggest that you present several scenes showing that the girl was blamed for everything and her step-sister was making fun of her instead of saying it directly. Moreover, I think it would be better if you put a little twist in the story. For example, instead of telling readers that the step-mother planned to poison the food, you present the scene that she prepared a food and when she returned, she found out her daughter dead because the food was poisoned. In other words, you reveal the poisoning of the food later in the end of the story. It could ad suspense and aditional sensation to the readers. Unlike if you have already told the readers that the step-mother poisoned the food, the readers could be very possibly predict the ending.

[amsula_2018]

I just wish that you included a little background story on the issue of stealing and added some sense of regrets towards the step mother. I thought I was reading an excerpt of Cinderella but it was a combination of snow white and cinderella but without the prince charming.

[koorum13]

The plot is interesting, much more if there is a lot of settings that the girl always blame falsely that the effect will be a great impact to the step mother. I liked the role of the step sister, create her character as a disaster.

[Uroojshafi3]

The story has a good idea but I think it must b a little thrilling we were so well aware of the facts even just in the first few lines of the story that what the end could b I think a surprise or thrill factor was some how missing in the story otherwise a good moralistic and a trendy idea it was .

[Artizi]

I feel it lacks a bit of background information about the characters but its overall good. Kudos!

[Ghost11111]

I would suggest changing all of the instances of "still" to "steal" and the instance of "stall" to "stole". It was a good story about not judging a book by its cover. The grammar could use a little work but it was a good short story.

[Pradeep VCSSV]

I will not going to repeat that the story requires a background work but i would like to appreciate ur idea coz it is a story devolped from proverb.but i suggest to write in a gripping way rather than direct throw.

[beccabecky]

It's not a bad story but I feel you should proof-read your texts before posting them as it has rather serious spelling mistakes.

[Sarmad420]

It is a good story with a moral lesson. But your have made spelling mistakes. You should eleborate your characters. Give more focus on plot

[Mari Thompson]

At first I thought of Cinderella as I read your story, but she had two evil step-sisters, not half sisters. Anyways, great story. Thanks for sharing.