Athazagoraphobia

Use this forum to post short stories that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links.
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Emi_Review
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Athazagoraphobia

Post by Emi_Review » 06 Sep 2018, 11:58

I knew something was amiss from the moment I woke. Why I felt this way was a mystery to me as nothing out of the ordinary appears to have happened. My clothes were strewn all over the floor, exactly where I left them yesterday. My half-empty mug of tea sat cold on the bedside table. The ugly painting I had been given as a present from my mother continued to glare at me from where it was perched next to my dresser, angry at me for not having hung it up on my bare walls. I couldn’t. I couldn’t hang it up, but then I couldn’t throw it away either. Who could do that to a gift from their own mother? Then again. My eyes glanced once more at the picture. It was of a cat. If you can even call it that. I wouldn’t have known it was a cat if I hadn’t been told that it was. It looked more like an ogre-ish loo brush. I decided to ignore my uneasy feeling and swung my legs out of bed. The floor was cold. Why did I choose wood flooring over carpet? My feet pad across the floor, trying to warm them up all the while cursing my past decisions.

My journey to the bathroom was a short one and my morning routine an even shorter one. I opted out of taking a shower and instead splashed my face at the sink to wake myself up and absentmindedly gave my teeth a quick brush. I placed my toothbrush back in the holder and froze. When did I get two brushes? I suddenly hear a noise downstairs. Someone is whistling. Someone is in my house. The sudden tight knot in my stomach is an unwelcome visitor, the palpitations of my heart an unpleasant one. My eyes dart around the bathroom. I needed a weapon. Who was in my house? Nothing in the bathroom was suitable to use for defence. Peeking my head around the door, my eyes lock onto the bedroom I came from. I tip-toe quietly into the room and immediately scan the area for anything to use. Nothing. Did I seriously never consider the possibility that there may be an intruder in my house one day? I pick up the next best thing I could find, my souvenir of the Eiffel Tower that I got from my last trip to Paris. It seemed sturdy enough and it had a pointy end at least. Cautiously, I made my way to the top of the stairs and paused. The whistling was louder now. Taking a deep breath, my hand grips the top of the bannister. I grip it so tight that my knuckles feel like they’ll rip right out of my skin. One foot touches the first step. Then the next. Eventually, I’m at the bottom of the stairs. I listen. The whistling is coming from my open plan kitchen. Just great. That’s where all my knives are. No matter, all I had to do was make sure that they couldn’t grab one before I could overpower them.

Following the jaunty tune, I pause when I finally see the intruder. A man. Luckily his back is turned. He’s still whistling and it seems he’s not heard me yet. Good. I grip the souvenir tighter and raise it above my head. I was poised to swing before finally registering what the man was doing. He was washing my dishes from last night. The absurdity of the action caused me to falter and made me lose my chance for a surprise attack. At that moment, the man turned around and grinned wide at me.

“Iona! Sleep well? What’s with the statue?” My blood ran cold. How did this man know my name? “Iona?” I dropped the souvenir and it hit the floor with a loud thud.

“How do you know my name?” I ask. My breath is shaky as I speak.

The man looks baffled. “Iona, are you alright?”

“Answer me!”

“I don’t know what you mean, Iona it’s me, it’s Aaron” he looks increasingly alarmed as he speaks.

“I don’t know how you know my name but you better get out of my house before I call the police, stalker!”

“This isn’t funny Iona, what are you playing at?”

I quickly stride to a kitchen counter, the one with my knives on top. I grab one and brandish it at this so-called ‘Aaron’. “Get out!”

“Iona, I live here, we’ve been married for five years! What’s the matter with you?” He cries in anguish.

His words cut straight through my chest and pierce my heart. This is worse than I thought. This man is psychotic! “You’re crazy!”

Aaron goes to take a step forward - “You stay away from me!” I jab the knife in his direction again.

“I don’t understand Iona” he starts to cry “evidence of our life is all around you. Just take a look!” He tries to take a step forward and stops when I wave the knife around frantically. “I don’t understand what’s going on Iona.” I breathe deeply. You and me both, Mister. This is most bizarre. Was this man trying to get out of being caught in the act of a burglary? Was he trying to appear insane to be let off lightly? But then that doesn’t explain why he was washing my dishes. Surely he wouldn’t want to steal my dishes? Then how does he know my name? Maybe a letter with my name is lying around the house somewhere. I suddenly remember the second toothbrush in the bathroom. Was that his? Did he plant that toothbrush in case he got caught and decided to use this crazy story as an excuse? He said we were married. I glanced down at my left hand and immediately drop the knife. It clatters to the ground. There on my ring finger is indeed two rings. That absolute psycho! He planted rings on my finger whilst I was asleep!

“Iona…” the man steps toward me again, no longer in danger of my knife-wielding hands. I rush past him and run up the stairs into my bedroom and slam the door shut. I grab the awful cat painting and drag it under the door handle to lock myself in. I turn to face the room and almost faint. Little details I had missed when I woke are suddenly blaring up at me. My pile of clothes on the floor are mixed in with men’s clothing. On the bedside table, on the other side of the bed, lay an unfinished book and a pair of glasses that didn’t belong to me. Most alarmingly was the photo on my dresser. It shows that man in a tux standing next to me in a white dress. We’re smiling at the camera. Tears start to fall from my eyes. The door suddenly bangs open, the cat picture being splintered in the process. That’s ok, I didn’t really like that picture anyway. I was more interested in the man standing in the doorway.

“Aaron…” I cry. “How could I forget you?”

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Sakilunamermaid
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Post by Sakilunamermaid » 06 Sep 2018, 12:32

This is actually the first original creative piece I've read on this site. I really like this, I was drawn in and engaged from the start. I love your style of writing and I'm going to have to read more works on this site.

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Emi_Review
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Post by Emi_Review » 06 Sep 2018, 12:55

Sakilunamermaid wrote:
06 Sep 2018, 12:32
This is actually the first original creative piece I've read on this site. I really like this, I was drawn in and engaged from the start. I love your style of writing and I'm going to have to read more works on this site.
Thank you! This is actually the first short story I wrote on this site and I was not expecting such a lovely response. I'm glad I didn't put you off reading more original works! There are some marvellous stories on this site that I wouldn't want you to miss out on.

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Post by Sakilunamermaid » 06 Sep 2018, 13:02

Emi_Review wrote:
06 Sep 2018, 12:55
Sakilunamermaid wrote:
06 Sep 2018, 12:32
This is actually the first original creative piece I've read on this site. I really like this, I was drawn in and engaged from the start. I love your style of writing and I'm going to have to read more works on this site.
Thank you! This is actually the first short story I wrote on this site and I was not expecting such a lovely response. I'm glad I didn't put you off reading more original works! There are some marvellous stories on this site that I wouldn't want you to miss out on.
Aww yay! I don't know why I hadn't read any original pieces on here haha glad that I was able to read yours and hope others like it as much as I did. By the way that is a beautiful cat in your profile picture.

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Emi_Review
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Post by Emi_Review » 06 Sep 2018, 13:14

Sakilunamermaid wrote:
06 Sep 2018, 13:02
Emi_Review wrote:
06 Sep 2018, 12:55
Sakilunamermaid wrote:
06 Sep 2018, 12:32
This is actually the first original creative piece I've read on this site. I really like this, I was drawn in and engaged from the start. I love your style of writing and I'm going to have to read more works on this site.
Thank you! This is actually the first short story I wrote on this site and I was not expecting such a lovely response. I'm glad I didn't put you off reading more original works! There are some marvellous stories on this site that I wouldn't want you to miss out on.
Aww yay! I don't know why I hadn't read any original pieces on here haha glad that I was able to read yours and hope others like it as much as I did. By the way that is a beautiful cat in your profile picture.
Thank you ^_^ her name is Tabatha, she was actually a stray that kept coming into my house to find food because she was pregnant and hungry. She had an infection and was really ill so we took her to the vet. Unfortunately, the kittens were too weak to survive but Tabby got better and I wanted to keep her. She's been my reading companion ever since!

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Ann Mattocks
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Post by Ann Mattocks » 06 Sep 2018, 20:06

I'm new to the club and didn't realize there was a forum to post your own original stories. After reading this I want to encourage you to add to this story, you have the potential to write a great book out of what you already have here. This story had my attention from the beginning and has me interested in finding out what caused the memory loss. Great job!

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Emi_Review
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Post by Emi_Review » 07 Sep 2018, 02:18

Ann Mattocks wrote:
06 Sep 2018, 20:06
I'm new to the club and didn't realize there was a forum to post your own original stories. After reading this I want to encourage you to add to this story, you have the potential to write a great book out of what you already have here. This story had my attention from the beginning and has me interested in finding out what caused the memory loss. Great job!
Wow, thank you! I was planning on leaving it as it was, that mysterious and unexplained ending. I'm actually thinking about writing a book containing short stories based on phobias like the one above, however it has more of a horror/fantasy/sci-fi feel. 'Your phobias are real' type of thing. However, after reading your comment, I may think about expanding this story. Thank you again for your lovely comment and welcome to the community!

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Ann Mattocks
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Post by Ann Mattocks » 07 Sep 2018, 06:00

You're welcome! I personally hope you expand on this story and write a book of short stories, I would definitely read both.

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Post by erastusmunyasia » 07 Sep 2018, 10:04

First story I ever read in this site and was totally great.Reminds me of a movie i loved, "50 first dates",directed by Peter Segal.I look forward to reading more of your stories.You are clearly gifted.

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Emi_Review
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Post by Emi_Review » 07 Sep 2018, 11:33

Ann Mattocks wrote:
07 Sep 2018, 06:00
You're welcome! I personally hope you expand on this story and write a book of short stories, I would definitely read both.
Thank you, I better start writing then 😂

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Emi_Review
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Post by Emi_Review » 07 Sep 2018, 17:08

erastusmunyasia wrote:
07 Sep 2018, 10:04
First story I ever read in this site and was totally great.Reminds me of a movie i loved, "50 first dates",directed by Peter Segal.I look forward to reading more of your stories.You are clearly gifted.
Thank you so much! I know that movie! I didn't even think about it when I wrote this but I totally see the connection. I don't want to give too much away but the memory loss in this story is for a different reason 😁

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