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He should have been there earlier, at this point in my life I don’t need him, he’s as good as dead, Kerry thought to himself as he sped off. He missed his mum so much; she had been so sick and fragile shortly before she passed on. He had grown up to understand she had suffered leukaemia.
Dad in his usual self had stayed out late; Ella had gone to tuck his younger sister Kim in. Kerry, 11 years, could hear her hum Kim’s favourite song .Kerry, Kerry, he heard in his sleep. He had slept off on the game he was playing. Ella lifted and gently placed him in his bed as she had often done, but tonight was different, Ella didn’t just tuck him in, she molested him. This continued each night for the three years Ella worked as their Nanny before relocating to another city, claiming to have found love. He couldn’t bring himself to telling his dad, he hadn’t had time for them in years.
Kerry at 14 was suddenly old enough to care for himself and Kim. He however struggled, his thoughts constantly occupied with memories of Ella, he had gotten so used to her.
Kim had gotten comfortable falling asleep in Kerry’s room; they had grown so close with Ella now gone. The best dad ever did was to put Kim back in her room on his return.
Kerry each night had taken advantage of his adorable little sister. He had told her unbelievable lies, she trusted him, she believed him. She had cried at times, but he had found ways of rewarding her. This had continued for 5 years until he had had to leave home after Uni. He loved Kim; it hurt so bad, but couldn’t bring himself to stopping. He drank on as memories of what had been, flashed; He had become a drunken Bum.
A broker at a leading insurance company, Kerry’s greatest weakness was his love for wild parties which ended up each night with a whore. His dad had become a bore with his insistent lectures on his reckless life style; Kerry believed it had all being his fault. Being silently haunted by the guilt of what had been with Kim, he regretted the distance which had developed over the years, he vowed to make peace.
Tonight his mind was made, he knew where to find her, he loved her, he had hurt her, he needed to let her know he had been wrong; he had no right to have violated her because of his unfettered lust. Ella had ruined him; but first, Aiden had mentioned a party down town, he surely will see Kim in the morning.
The music was at full blast as he sped off with his friends all drunk. As they had anticipated, it had been a great night. Kerry’s phone rang, he turned down the music, heart pounding, with trembling hands, he quietly listened. A storm was raging, before Aiden could stop him, Kerry crashed into the oncoming truck. He had missed it, his dad had called again.
Yes sir, I’m sorry, none survived. All four victims died instantly. The officer informed Roland Louis…
The darkness felt thick, the trees seemed to be mocking him by the gentle sway of their leaves to the whistling of the breeze, he could hear the skies howl at him, his heart was racing so fast, a million questions screamed in his face. Blinding tears run down as he rushed to the scene. He could almost hear Kerry calling out for him, he had failed, he knew it, he could feel the ground beneath opening up to let him down. The pain in his heart was stabbing, he had gotten there time enough to see his mangled body, his heart wrenched, he wept, he couldn’t believe he had just lost Kerry.
Downcast, and broken, Roland Louis sat at his desk that morning, replaying events of that very night. He wished he could undo what had happened. It was exactly three years Kerry had passed, and it had all being his fault. He knew he had caused it; he had been irresponsible. The emptiness in his heart was deep, he thought he had it all, the money, the women, the fame, but he was empty, and couldn’t care about those anymore. Roland wept, flipping through the little picture album he constantly carried with him .He had tried reaching Kim; he couldn’t contest her refusal to ever speak with or see him. The last they had been close enough had been at Kerry’s funeral, she however had left immediately. He had caused them both so much pain, and wondered if he could ever get her forgiveness, he was proud of who she had become.
Roland, who had been having episodes of depression had been referred by his doctor to a Psychologist, the best in the city. He had made an appointment to see him later that day, and looked forward to the visit; somehow he believed he could get answers from him.
Hello Dr. Widdle, was told you have an outstanding experience, Roland snidely said as he gently took a seat in front of him. He wondered how young he was, considering his years of experience. It’s a pleasure meeting you Professor Louis, have heard so much about you, Dr. widdle responded as he nodded pleasantly.
Hours later, Roland Louis, quiet and in deep thought, heaved a big sigh. I really can’t understand, you mean I can have all the peace and this emptiness will be gone, just by praying this simple prayer, you called the sinners prayer? Yes Dr. Widdle answered.
But I’ve been a terrible father, and the women? I’ve lived a low life; I’ve wasted my life, who can ever accept a man like me? How can I do this, I know no other life Roland said. That is why you have to trust God enough to help you , that is the only way you can do it, Dr. Widdle patiently answered. But I killed Kerry, I led him to that car crash, the guilt is ingrained in my heart. Mr Roland, Jesus is forgiving, you have to be able to forgive yourself, and receive His love.Yes, He knows all these, yet forgives. He sees no wrong in us, once we come to Him. All that wasted life, can be invested now, you have another chance to live life again.
Roland Louis left Dr.Widdle that evening, grateful, and happy he had kept the appointment. He had made mistakes, but was ready to start a new life. He couldn’t make it right with Kerry, but was determined to find Kim, he owed her an apology.
Dr. Widdle, excited by the visit, silently said a prayer thanking God for the opportunity; such moments are priceless to him….